7 Things Men Need From Sex In Order For It To Be Considered “Good”

1. Our ego to be stroked.

We want to get off and we want to feel like we are sex gods while we do it. Not only do we want to get you off, we want you to have an uncontrollable, mind-blowing orgasm (you know, because we’re so good at fucking you). We want an enthusiastic girl who gets swept up in sex with us, who loves every second of it, who makes us feel like we’ve underestimated our prowess. Our greatest fear is the woman who is a dead fish in bed, not because she’s “bad” performance-wise but because she is passionless. She is in bed — with us — and she couldn’t be more bored.

Some of this, like how wet you are (which we definitely read into while also rationally knowing isn’t a perfect scientific indicator of how turned on we’ve made you), you can’t control, but a lot of our perceived performance is at your mercy. Number one, never talk about past lovers. We want to think we’ve brought out your wild and kinky side, not that it has nothing to do with us personally. Two: make sure you communicate loudly and clearly when you are enjoying yourself. Tell us what you like. Moan (loudly) when we’re doing something right. Text us your favorite part the next day. Our enjoyment is tethered to your enjoyment, so when we know you’re having the best time ever, we do too.

2. Eye Candy

You’ve probably heard a million times that men are “visual creatures” but we are. We find a lot of beauty in the female form. We want to look at it and touch it in it’s un-photoshopped glory. Please, don’t be shy about your body. You should show off, confident in the knowledge that if we’re in bed with you, we’re excited about what it looks like. It’s also a compliment to the man to leave a bit of your inhibition at the door — like we can transport you to this world where your insecurities don’t even exist.

As part of foreplay, consider letting him watch you masturbate. Not only will the show turn him on, but he’ll be a student of the master — watching which motions and speeds turn you on that he should emulate later.

3. A partner who loves to explore.

Is there anything better than a woman who’s game for anything? A fun-loving partner who is down to experiment (and enjoy herself doing it) is what every man dreams of. We don’t want to talk you into anything, we want you to be just as into it as we are.

4. Compliments.

Before, during, after.

5. A partner who doesn’t view sex as a special occasion obligation.

If sex was a food pyramid, it should be the base, not the top. Sex with us shouldn’t be a chore, it should be a natural, several times a week expression of affection in our relationship. Please don’t make us beg for it, buy you jewelry for it, wait for a birthday or vacation for it, or generally make us feel like unequal and unwanted partners.

If you’re not feeling the sex in your relationship, you can do this magical thing called talking about it. Maybe we need to be made aware that we aren’t making you feel desired, maybe our lives our too busy, maybe you’re schedule is too busy and we need to help you out. Whatever the problem is, talking about it can only help. Don’t leave us over here alone and in the dark!

6. An eager student.

The honest to god truth is that a girl who wants to be good in bed is good in bed.

Plus anything you do outside of bedroom time, like doing kegals, exploring your own body through masturbation, reading sexy stories, or even paging through Cosmo benefits us. We are your number one supporters in all your sexual adventures — even the ones that don’t involve us.

7. Your undivided attention.

And for the love of god please never, ever check your phone during sex.