30 Things Women Get Wrong About Penises

1. That just because a penis gets hard, doesn’t mean that the man is actually horny.

2. When I first started with my wife, she thought the amount of jizz produced was proportional to the “size” of the orgasm. Like she’d get disappointed if it was smaller load, because she thought I didn’t cum as hard. I can totally understand why one might think that, but no. There wasn’t a lot because I knocked one out that morning.

3. An erect penis does not (should not) bend.

LET ME REPEAT THAT FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

An erect penis does not (should not) bend.

I appreciate some enthusiastic riding, but for God’s sake don’t miss and slam down on the poor guy. You can literally cause a life-long injury.

4. Morning boners don’t mean wet dreams. You can wake up from a nightmare with a raging boner.

5. Don’t stop or keep going full whack during the orgasm. Stopping can spoil it, going full-on can be too much.

6. A circumcised penis and an uncircumcised penis should be handled differently.

7. Don’t squeeze the balls too hard.

8. The length, and how much it can do, differ depending on conditions. If I just jumped out of the shower into a cold bathroom, it’s gonna be useless until I warm up again.

9. A micro penis and a grower are not the same thing.

10. That the penis and scrotum are ever-changing. There is not a normal as it fluctuates minute by minute. I used to have a girlfriend that was pretty content to be nude 99% of the time while home. She was amazed at how testicles would ascend and descend constantly, how my penis would grow and shrink just sitting there, all of this independent of arousal.

11. If we lost our erection, it isn’t our fault, we biologically can’t “flip the switch.”

12. It’s not the tightness of the lips that matter during a blowjob. It’s the suction within the mouth itself… lips, cheeks, and tongue.

13. It’s incredibly hard to explain the level of control you have over its movements. Like on a general level, whether it gets hard or not kinda happens, but you can kind of control the bursts at which it grows – but only somewhat.

14. The double stream is real, and we don’t really know when it’s going to happen.

15. Every penis is different – sure, there are things that work for most penises, but there is nothing that is guaranteed to work for every single penis. Communication and experimentation are key. Many guys also aren’t so great at communicating what they like, which is where experimentation works well – try stroking lightly then more firmly and ask which they prefer. Often they’ll say both feel good. So then go more firm/light as a comparison and ask again, etc. Try different types of strokes – swirl vs straight; more at the tip vs full length; one hand vs two; etc. Have fun playing. Ask for feedback. Learn.

16. Guys have a very strong relationship with their penis. For good or bad. More often these days, it’s not a great relationship, largely due to porn leading most guys to think they’re inadequate in some way because most guys are not as big as the guys in porn. Whether micro or monster, pointing up or down, curved in different directions, thin or thick, shaped like an arrow or a tree, multi-coloured, big or small balls, etc., most guys are both eager for attention and unsure about whether you’ll like what they’ve got. So if you enjoy your partner’s cock, it’s great to let them know.

17. There are different stages of erections. At least for me. Regular boner, lazy boner, and hulk boner.

18. When you’re giving me a handjob, please be gentle. I don’t want you ripping my foreskin off, there’s a certain way you gotta do it.

19. Aiming your pee is tough. It’s not like shooting a rifle, it’s like shooting a hot dog.

20. Don’t put things in the penis hole.

21. Just because I didn’t cum doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it. Though, I may be in the minority there.

22. Women think that when you start fooling around they can get up, go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, and lock every door and window in the house and you’ll still be hard when they come back.

23. If a guy isn’t getting erect, he is probably nervous. Not that you’re not sexy or he has a problem. What makes the problem worse is if you say something like, “Why isn’t it getting hard?” Best solution is to lay down and relax, take it slower, and increase intimacy through kissing and light touch. As guys get more comfortable with you, so will their penis, and fun will ensue.

24. Porn has ruined the notion of average dick size. Not everyone is walking with a 12-inch mandingo.

25. A lot of things impact their ‘state’ that have absolutely nothing to do with you (never take a guy’s penis non-erection as an indication that he’s not into you if he’s told you he’s into you), and many are things that the guys themselves don’t have much control over. Temperature, age, recency since last orgasm, general life stress level, nerves, worries, etc. In other words, some guys end up hard even though they don’t want to be, and vice versa. Sometimes they go down in the middle of things. Check to make sure you’re not hurting them, and then otherwise roll with it being no big deal and shift focus to other things. Because, seriously, it’s really no big deal. It’s totally normal and it says absolutely nothing about you.

26. Teeth fucking kill.

27. The hand is just as important as the mouth while performing oral.

28. We are not all dick pic hounds thirsting to send. In fact, some of us are self-conscious about it, and have a hard time doing it when it’s wanted.

29. I had to explain to my at-the-time girlfriend why they were called balls. She had Catholic school sex education for whatever that’s worth, but she had no clue there were twins in the bag.

30. That even if we have “morning wood” that doesn’t mean we want to have sex right then. We gotta fucking pee!