30 Super Hilarious Ways To Say ‘Masturbation’
If you don’t want to use the word ‘masturbation’, steal these slang terms from Ask Reddit.
1. Having a threesome with a couple of no-shows.
2. DJ the VJ.
3. Dopamine farming.
4. Double clicking your mouse.
5. Badgering the witness.
6. Summoning the semen demon.
7. Blood bending.
8. Shaking hands with the unemployed.
9. Making Jesus cry.
10. Five knuckle shuffle.
11. Playing some five on one.
12. Churning the butter.
13. Tickle the pickle.
14. Whackin’ the Krakin.
15. Polish the pearl.
16. Waxing your carrot.
17. Man handle the ham candle.
18. Putting on a puppet show.
19. Releasing the poison.
20. Giving yourself a handshake.
21. Ringing the devil’s doorbell.
22. Holding a sausage hostage.
23. Flicking the bean.
24. Petting the bunny.
25. Juice the goose.
26. Hand to gland combat.
27. Single player sex.
28. Dishonorable discharge.
29. Wiggling the yogurt hose.
30. Menage a moi. 
