50 Things Women *Think* Men Love But They Secretly Cannot Stand

1. Her: I’ll wait for him to call me. Guys like a good chase.

Me: Damn. She hasn’t called or anything. She must not be interested.

If you like someone, just let them know. We’re not mind readers and we don’t like chasing you. We’re adults. Not high school students.

2. Fake tans. Nothing is worse than a pretty girl who looks like an orange. Plus, pale skin is attractive to a lot of guys (me) so tanning in general is just kind of unnecessary in some cases.

3. Trying to make men in relationships jealous. Either your are interested in someone else and I am pissed or you are faking interest to get attention in a dysfunctional way. Both are quite bad.

4. GOD do I hate long fake nails on a woman. They’re just so ugly and tacky to me. Long finger nails is weird enough, but fake ones? They make girls look like witches, and they’re super lame. Not even just long ones, fake nails in general.

It’s not a deal breaker though. Just something at the back of my head I notice.

5. For me personally, I hate fake boobs. They’re just so fake and they rarely move because they’re so fake

6. Being compared to past boyfriends. My wife thought it was a good idea to tell me what her past boyfriends did for her to get me to start doing more things she likes. I ripped into her one day saying there’s a reason you’re no longer with them. If you want someone like them, then be with them. That’s not who I am.

Here’s another. No matter how much Cosmo, your best girlfriend or your best gay friend tells you, not all men enjoy having their prostate stimulated. Just like your clit, direct pressure can either be pleasurable or down right painful. While some men get off on anal stimulation, not all men do.

7. Casually telling us about any previous sexual exploits. What the fuck, do you think this turns us on or something?

8. Baring a ton of skin.

I’m totally into high rise, low cut shorts, and skirts and low cut tops. But I’m also into long frilly dresses and cute tops and just simple skinny jeans–jeans and casual heels = I lose my shit. But it’s when they’re wearing nearly nothing all the time, or try to expose the most area on their bodies and whatnot that I start finding it less and less attractive. I think one of the greatest tools in attraction is the imagination, to let the mind fill in the blanks and wonder at things. Reveal enough to tempt the mind.

9. I think square eyebrows. They are a complete turnoff, go ahead and have the most good looking girl and she has square eyebrows and I’m out of there.

10. Independence. It’s actually very reassuring for guys to know that we don’t have to lead a woman like a lost puppy or that they don’t need constant text updates. That being said, it’s such a turnoff when it feels like a girl is being difficult or oppositional for no good reason. That’s what makes guys walk away and only bother with a girl if she’s a sure thing.

Being a loud and crazy party girl. Most guys like a girl that likes to have fun or is outgoing. What we don’t like is feeling that a girl is a massive attention whore or has ADD or where it’s a struggle to hold her attention. It also makes us doubt whether a girl is relationship material if she’s all about da club and getting dolled with her girlfriends to soak up male attention.

Using sex as a relationship tool. To most guys, sex is an end in itself, not a means to an end. There’s nothing that turns a guy off a girl faster when it feels like she’s using sex as a carrot (and often stick as well). I’ve flat out turned down girls who were promising no-holes-barred sex because I knew it wasn’t about the sex, it was about getting stuff (attention/a relationship usually).

“I don’t know what do you want to do/wuu2”. We guys get it. A lot of girls can’t be bothered deciding where to go to dinner and it’s nice to delegate those minor decisions to a guy. But it can get awful grating when a girl is just sitting there expecting the guy to lead all the fuckin time. Believe it or not, we don’t mind girls expressing their likes and dislikes. We might not defer all the time (and you might not want us to) but it’s nice to know that she’s not always waiting for us to make up our minds.

Making us jealous. A lot of girls seem to think this works with guys, or it’s useful for getting our attention/making us act. With me at least, it’s an instant turnoff. It’s too obvious and manipulative and it makes me just want to pull up stakes. It doesn’t make me come closer, it makes me pull away.

Honorable Mention: sloppy gaggy blowjobs. I’m one of those guys who prefers the subtle approach and a deft tongue, not the “she sounds like a duck and I’m worried she’s gonna hurl all over my crotch”.

11. Too much perfume. I rather smell your deodorant when that close.

12. I think women think that their version of ‘acting sexy’ is sexy. Hair flip, innocent baby face, weird pose. When really it’s usually just awkward.

13. Baby talk.

Indirect flirting.

14. Having fancy shoes and having a large shoe collection. I can’t speak for other guys, but I never cared about how flashy a woman’s heels look or if she has enough to match every outfit. As long as she looks neat, it’s all good.

Also I have no idea why some women think it’s cute to have Snapchat filters on their online dating profiles. I’m trying to see your presentable yet natural look, not you looking like an animal!

15. Referring to yourself unironically as a princess. Do not want.

16. My girlfriend is always bothered by the fact that I don’t care about her underwear. She will buy new pairs and ask me what I think, and I will just say “Cute.” and then go back to whatever I was doing. Underwear is just underwear, and there’s not a lot of room for it to be very attractive or creative.

17. Bells and whistles lingerie. Make it simple, sexy, unexpensive, small and not beige. It’s that simple.

18. Fake eyelashes gross me out. If it’s a rare thing, like dressing up for some fancy event… that’s fine. But if it’s a constant thing, I don’t like it.

19. That thing some do where they blow up your phone if you don’t reply for a while, act ‘cute but psycho’ and think being really possessive is sexy. It makes you look like an asshole, please stop.

20. Heavy fondling of balls. Be gentle with that shit.

21. Skinny.

Of course, it’s a generalization. Women just have no clue that some men actually worship curves. I mean they might know it, but they don’t believe it. And some definitions of ‘curvy’ are curvier than others.

22. Uncomfortable shoes and the whole helpless thing. The most attractive women (to me) are practical, realistic, and intelligent.

23. Some women think men like “curves”. Some men do, I guess. Most prefer fit women.

24. The two biggest ones are career success and sexual experience.

A man with an impressive job, like a medical doctor or a C-level executive or even just a reasonably skilled musician, is more attractive to women than he would normally be. It’s not necessarily about the money he earns but that he is driven and successful.

But this doesn’t really work the other way around. A woman who works as a doctor isn’t any more attractive than a nurse. Which makes sense: men aren’t conducting job interviews on dates, so how impressive a woman’s job is doesn’t matter beyond establishing that she’s not too unstable to hold down a job or get through school.

The other one is similar. Women use preselection a lot, which is why you’ll notice being more attractive to women when you’re in a relationship. Generally if a guy is getting attention from a lot of women then he must be doing something right, so women will put in a disproportionate amount of effort fighting for the most desired men.

Men, generally speaking, don’t see it that way. If other men are willing to have sex with a woman, then that means that she’s probably alive but doesn’t say much more beyond that. Besides, men have working eyes and we can see whether or not a woman is attractive for ourselves. A woman without much or any baggage in the form of previous partners and who we don’t have to fight over is more appealing than the reverse.

25. Makeup. Less is more.

26. Falling asleep in each others arms.

Even if Im madly in love, I need to sleep properly. Hairs in my face and numb limbs aren’t fun, especially if you have the urgent need to turn around.

Have you ever slept on one side and wanted to change your position but you couldn’t? Its the most uncomfortable thing ever.

27. To be agreed with. On a lot of stuff yea there are something we need to agree on, but I’d we share the same view on everything I’m going to be bored as fuck.

28. Some women think red will attract men. I don’t really like it (red lipstick,red nails, red dress.) I’m sure I’m probably not the only one who thinks this.

Wear red if you truly like it, not because you think you should to attract men. That goes for anything. Wear what you want to wear. (Of course never forget good hygiene and health is attractive.)

29. Anything that goes on lips. Maybe I’m weird, but it all seems like it will be sticky or something. Less is more (at least for me). I shouldn’t even notice there’s any makeup on.

Not to say it doesn’t ever look good, I just can’t get past imagining it being sticky.

30. Playing dumb.

31. Romance. This isn’t the case for every guy, but the majority of guys I’ve ever met don’t enjoy dancing, valentine’s day, etc., etc. We do it because it will come back to bite you if you don’t.

32. Cheerleaders. Why is that a thing?

33. Hand jobs. We appreciate the consideration and effort but we can always do it to ourselves better than anyone else can because we have the most experience.

34. Rough sex. I like it slow and passionate.

35. Not knowing where/what they want to eat.

B: Want to grab some food?

G: Sure.

B: What are you in the mood for?

G: Anything.

B: Chinese?

G: No….

B: Pizza?

G: No….

B: Italian?

G: No….

B: Giiiiirl you ain’t eating, I’ll see you later.

36. Men don’t want or need you to look like a glamour model fitting in size zero clothing. We like shape, personality, kindness and honesty with a touch of freak.

37. You know in porn when the ladies open up their vag completely vaguely resembling a gaping wound.

Thanks but no thanks. Pussies that can be opened like that and not look gross are in rarefied air.

38. I think women think that men actually like being masculine.

The reality is that masculinity sucks and men only engage in it because they are forced to in order to be attractive to women.

When women get to enjoy a nice summer day in a breezy summer dress and men are stuck wearing pants, the envy is real.

I don’t think most men like having to be ugly and brutish, but being pretty and nice is highly frowned upon by society and it certainly does not get you laid.

39. Painted nails and makeup.

I think in general most guys don’t give a hoot about nails, and most of us would rather see a natural face.

40. Anal sex… (I mean heterosexual anal sex, when a guy puts his device into female’s pooper).

41. Having multiple degrees and a masters etc. A. Having a masters etc does not mean high income and B. I’m not taking on your massive student loan debt when I’m debt free until i have a mortgage. Fuck helping someone pay off student loans especially when they’re close to 100k in debt making 30k as a teacher.

42. Being a workaholic. It’s great you want to advance your career but I want some cuddle time too.

43. Do Not aggressively suck on my balls.

They are NOT grapes on a vine, waiting to be eaten.

44. Finger up the butt. Rough testicle play.

45. A lot of women seem to think the things we like in porno are things we like in real life. Like no, that’s a fantasy. It’s fun to read comic books too, but I would never want to actually be Batman.

46. Calling me “Daddy”. I have a daughter. That’s fucking weird. Don’t do it.

47. Loud (fake sounding) orgasms. (Not your fault. Blame bad acting by porn stars.)

The infamous “When Harry met Sally” scene is actually a joke to me because she got it so wrong, not right.

48. Girls who think that men only want sex, play video games and want nothing else to do with them.

49. “I’m not like all the other girls. I say whats on my mind and tell it like it is.” Just STFU.

50. Whatever Cosmopolitan says will “drive your man wild.”

No. Stop it.