Whatever We Are, I Miss You

I didn’t think that I would miss you but I do.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I look at is my cellphone. Your name is always there. A text message response to a conversation we had the night before.

Every. Single. Morning. For nine months. This has been our routine.

But the last message I got from you was at midnight a week ago. You said we should part ways. No detailed explanation why. You said your good bye and that was that. No response to my questions. No acknowledgement of anything.

You just left. No reason. No explanation. You’re just gone.

I spent several days playing our conversation over and over. What did I say that was wrong? What did I do? Why did this happen? It’s a never-ending string of questions that I know will never have a response to.

We’re not even dating. We’re not in any kind of relationship. We, honestly, do not even know what we are. We never defined it. We’re just… us.

Randomly meeting in an extraordinary mixture of events that can only be attributed to fate. Out of the handful of people in the area, walking around, you decided to approach me as I was packing my bag to leave. Small, random conversation leading to topics we surprisingly realized we were both passionate about. I knew right then and there that this was not a coincidence. This was fate, knocking at my door.

It was so easy conversing with you, as if we’ve known each other our whole lives. We both have a quirky sense of humor. You appreciate my random bursts of useless information. You find it endearing. I love the way you get excited about small things I send you. I find it refreshing. We share the same values. We connect.

Fate brought you to me, but destiny decided you’re not going to stay.

Not a day goes by that I don’t wish we were texting again. I want to tell you the latest news regarding the theme park ride that we both love. Or the publishing date of that book series we were both following. Even a small piece of trivia regarding a tv show that we were crazy about.

Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could still text you pictures of my latest adventure. Or send you the latest pose of my fur baby. Or even just a random “how’s your day going?”

Not a day goes by that I don’t wish we could still discuss our lives and our problems. Vent out my frustrations and listen to you vent yours.

Not a day goes by that I don’t wish we were back to being whatever we were. I miss that.

I miss you. I didn’t think I would…but I do.

Not a day goes by that I don’t realize that you’re more important to me than I thought. That maybe we’re not just whatever. Maybe we’re more than that.

But now, I’ll never know.