38 INFPs Explain How They Heal Themselves After A Heartbreak
"I remind myself that life is just experience and it's only my perception that makes it a good or bad experience. And then I try to convince myself that this was a good experience."
By 
Heidi Priebe
Each type handles heartbreak a little differently. As feeling-dominant types, INFPs often feel heartbreak incredibly intensely – but that doesn’t mean they can’t move past it healthily and successfully. Below, 38 INFPs share what they do to heal their hearts when they’ve been broken.
1.
“Don’t deny or avoid your emotions – deal with them. Avoiding the pain prolongs the agony. The process is like an onion – peeling it back (cry, mourn, pain, anger, acceptance) one layer at a time. Be gracious with yourself. Experiencing heartbreak is like experiencing a death -their presence no longer exists in your life but they are still alive. Appreciate the memories you made but take the lessons learned. Don’t let your heart break over an upgrade. You may not realize why it ended today but with understanding and perspective with time bring healing.”
2.
“Open up your senses and get in touch with the physical world. Go for more nature walks, go for runs, and find something new and exciting, where you can channel your introverted feeling. Read meditation books. This is also a time to pursue your passions and to focus on yourself (and career).”
3.
“Heartbreak was a very real thing for me. I felt it so incredibly deeply that nothing else seemed real for awhile. I held on tight to the possibility of him and I working out eventually. All that did was cause more pain and made me look like a fool being strung along by a guy who didn’t really know how to end things. What I had to do was seperate myself completely. I had to quit him cold turkey. He was one of my best friends, so that was hard. We dated for nearly five years; he felt like a part of me. I had to stop myself from texting him when I missed talking. And I couldn’t respond to his messages or snapchat. I couldn’t run to him for support any more, and I couldn’t be at his beckon call. He broke my heart, so he doesn’t deserve my attention. I had a hard time letting go because I felt like if he didn’t love me, no one could. He knew so much about me that no one else knew, therefore, the true me must be unlovable. I would tell other INFPs that they need a support system. Don’t turn in on yourself when you’re hurting because this will ultimately lead to foolish mistakes. Talk to trusted friends and stay away from the one who hurt you. You will find someone worthy of your deep love and they will make your heart soar even higher than before.”
4.
“Honestly, I cannot let go until I have been destroyed completely.”
5.
“Read books that address grief…listen to music, be around people who are nurturing rather than draining.”
6.
“Leave. Just ran away keep running away. Till one day. Its fine again. We never forget the special one. But we eventually allow ourself to remember to love ourself more.”
7.
“I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’ve gone through a heartbreak that felt as deep as if I was in one. Such is dominant Fi. I spent a lot of time rationalizing how he made me feel and giving chances, alternating between love, hate, anger, pain, tears before I was finally able to move on. Completely cutting contact is the only thing that worked in the end. Both physically and mentally. I actually became addicted to him, which is not something I recommend to anyone. Through this ordeal though, I realized I do have worth, and have been working on building self-confidence. It’s still going to take a lot of time to heal my trust in people, but learning from your mistakes is something that is highly underestimated. There are usually underlying reasons why we’re attracted to toxic people or those with the same personality patterns. Find that pattern, and learn the whys of your inner psyche instead of moving on to repeat the same mistake.”
8.
“After a heartbreak, I crawl back into myself – take some time to reflect. I tend to do a lot of journaling and watching movies that make me feel less alone. I think as an INFP – it is a good plan to take a little break from the world and heal yourself.”
9.
“I give myself permission to feel my feelings. I make it a point not to be so hard on myself and take more blame for the demise of the relationship. I listen to music and delve into the things that feed me creatively.”
10.
“Definitely avoid listening to music/the radio. Pretty much every song will suddenly magically relate to the lost relationship and stir up All Of The Feels.”
11.
“First I internalize everything and silently suffer for a really long time. I think about nothing else, and it comes out in everything I do. After I’ve finally exhausted poetry, songs, dreams and daydreams and I’ve re-lived it and thought it through upside down and backwards, I’m able to realize not to take it too personally. I am still whole, and a human being with beautiful dreams and desires. Heartbreak doesn’t make me less of a person, even though I might feel like it. I just try to accomplish little things, like clean my room and pay extra attention to the way I look–little things that will make me just a teeny bit happier. I guess my advice to other INFPs would be to just allow yourself to feel. Don’t internalize it or pretend it isn’t there. Write poetry, and listen to sad songs. Journal, think, create, and process while you do it. Letting it all out and acknowledging your pain will make it easier to think about, and place in your past once you’ve fully dealt with it.”
12.
“Wallow, obsess, cry, write, lie in bed depressed, eat junky foods.. I’m not saying these things are all healing, but it’s what I do when heartbroken.”
13.
“I journal through the heartbreak. I cry until I no longer can. I isolate myself more that usual to process everything, but I make sure to spend quality time with supportive friends and family when I’m not a complete emotional mess. I write love letters to people in my life that have positively impacted me (and send them). I write gratitude lists of all the things I’m thankful for. I try to immerse myself in nature where it’s quite and peaceful (I definitely recommend hiking). I also make time for the things I enjoy, like going to concerts and getting a massage. If a fellow INFP is facing heartbreak, I would definitely advise them to journal and write about the experience and their feelings. I’ve created good poetry out of heartbreak. Another thing that I did that helped heal myself was volunteering in my community and serving others.”
14.
“Talk to a trusted friend. Pray. Journal. And when strong enough, reach out to others who need encouragement and help – don’t allow yourself to wallow too long.”
15.
“I talk, talk, talk with friends about the heartbreak. I listen to music that understands. I go places where big crowds of people are having a great time, to remind myself that none of those people even know the person who broke my heart, but they’re having a great time anyway. This is a good way to remind myself that the world doesn’t revolve around that person. I swim laps. It’s not just refreshing and good exercise, it’s also that the rushing water in your ears blocks out all the noise and quiets things down inside you. I write about it, but I try to keep the writings private and resist the temptation to post them online where the person can see it. I go on vacation but don’t post any pictures or blog about it where the person can see it. I revel in doing things I love that that person hates. Chances are, I’m just coming out of a phase where I tried to convince myself I hated those things too, just to appeal to that person. Advice? I don’t know. Just try to remember that it won’t always hurt this much.”
16.
“I listen to music or watch/read something. It helps to know that others are going through the same issues as me, or have gone through them in the past. It helps to hear lyrics that fit my situation or see characters who are struggling with the same things I am struggling with. Also Disney Movies and Chocolate Ice Cream is always a good idea!”
17.
“Write a list of all the things that bothered me about the person I’m heartbroken about. Keep referring to it when I feel said. Write everything, for example, his toes were too hairy. Connect with my friends and family and tell them how I’m feeling and ask them for their momentary support. Apologize for being needy. Keep to my normal routine. Read anything that I think will help me recover more quickly. Get back on the horse even though I don’t want to. Remind myself that life is just experience and it’s only my perception that makes it a good or bad experience. Try to convince myself that this was a good experience.”
18.
“I usually spend a lot of time writing about it. Letters to the person that I don’t send , just keep in a notebook. I also spend a lot of time alone, to process it. I try to move slowly and gently as well. I don’t know why it helps but it does. I cry a lot, on purpose, to get it out. And then after a certain amount of time, talk to the people close to me about it. After different perspectives and support, it’s easier to handle. I would suggest to INFP types to let yourself feel the pain and to let others support you.”
19.
“When you’re going through heartbreak as an INFP, make sure you take care of yourself physically. And even though you might want to curl up in a ball and hide in the closet, call a friend. Reach out and ask for help.”
20.
“I grieve hard, and feel like I will never love again, like nothing else in the world matters but the intensity of my sadness. I need to not isolate, to be with loved ones, to keep open to love, to listen to heart breaking music and sob till nothing is left. I need to lie under the stars, to pull the pieces of myself back in, to get creative, to eat well and keep hydrated, to maintain my yoga practice.. Or at least, this is all good advice for me!”
21.
“Try to find balance between rest, fun, and work. During heartbreak, I often go into hibernation and stay in bed all the time. At the same time, if I make myself too busy with fun and work, that will ultimately make my situation a lot worse, and I will most likely break down even worse than before. I would say make sure to hang out with friends and go out, to remind yourself there are still good things in life, and to remind yourself that you can have a good life. At the same time, be gentle with yourself, and take time to watch TV and drink tea. That’s important too.”
22.
“Watch films about breakups (I.e. Forgetting Sarah Marshall), films or TV that will make me laugh. You’ve just got to ride the wave of sadness, and try to surround yourself with the things you love and enjoy.”
23.
“First thing, I give myself time. I feel too deeply, too violently and a heartbreak can be destructive for me. So I rest, take time to heal.I spend a lot of time alone in the beginning. I sleep a lot, take the time to cry. I do things that appease me. Then I see people who help me: friends who make me feel secure, family I feel comfortable with. I write a lot to get the feelings out. The advice I’d give is take your time, don’t be embarrassed if it takes a lot, accept all the feelings, let them surround you, and deal with them in the way you’re used to it. INFPs know. They know how it feels to be crushed by emotions. So they cope all in their own way. But mostly in alone time and thinking and seeking comfort from their trusted and loved ones.”
24.
“I honestly just have to give myself a few days to ride out the emotions, absorbing them and feeling overwhelmed. Listening to music helps, and exercising. Then, after I’ve felt like I’ve allowed myself enough time just to feel and start to accept it, I get busy. I try something new, get into a different atmosphere than the one I was in, and immerse myself in life other than what I feel. Even so, it can take months, even years, to feel like I’ve finally accepted it and can move on, depending on the situation. My advice to other INFPs is to just take one day at a time, and remember that each day is a new start – you can choose to be whoever you want. The situation hurt you, but didn’t break you because you’re still here. You and your worth are not defined by it either, so don’t let a bump in the road be a pit you get stuck in.”
25.
“I can tend to fixate on my hurt feelings and the loss of a really great idea that I had been so focused on. (This is usually accompanied by lots of sleeping, chocolate, and sappy movies/music.) To move on I tend to focus on remembering who I am as an individual and what I care about, and I try to find things to look forward to or get excited about to occupy my thoughts and time.”
26.
“Phase 1: Whenever possible, I cloister myself away. I write in my journal to get some perspective, call my friends for marathon conversations, eat comfort foods, binge-watch TV series, cry it out, sleep, rinse, and repeat. The goal of this phase is to:
(A) get comfortable with being a single, companion-less entity again,
(B) work through my emotions and memories to understand the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of the end of the relationship, and
(C) identify a way to move forward, keeping in mind the lessons learned.
Phase 2: I make plans to go out and be with friends, keep myself busy, work on personal projects I’d been putting off, maybe do something different with my hair, start learning something new (in my case, I’d pick a language). This helps to prevent falling into a perpetual depression if Phase 1 drags out.
If I stick with Phase 2 long enough, I’ll get over it. Once my Fi has been given the attention it needs, engaging my Ne is the best way to bounce back, be happy, and feeling like myself again.”
27.
“Don’t take it too personally; don’t let that inner voice destroy you. It helps me to withdraw a little, take time to relax and contemplate. Also exercise has done wonders for me.”
28.
“Give yourself time to grieve, and heal. Grief has no time limit, so take as much time as you need. We INFP’s take things so personally, and we are famous for internalizing our sorrow. So, I urge you, take care of yourself, go out with friends and embrace your family. Forgive them, and yourself too.”
29.
“I’ve been recently heartbroken, so this experience is very fresh to me yet. After a long time of staying in bed crying and wishing to go back in time to change things that I’ve done, I finally started to do things that I usually liked to do, to try and see the good things in the world again. The most important thing I learned was self control. I had to control my emotions, not think about the past, and change completely the way I treated this person. I try not to dwell on impossible dreams, and focus my attention on the little things I love and in the possibilities of the future. It’s very hard, and it took me months to be able to do that! I still talk to him because we’re still friends, but now I’m changing and letting the past behind. I know everybody say that, but we do survive. The future IS bright and full of possibilities, and we just have to let time heal our wounds. Don’t isolate yourself completely. Respect your healing and alone time, but you’re not alone. Rely on your closest friends and family members and let yourself be loved. In time, you will heal and become a new person. Even though it hurt like hell, you will see it as a lesson.”
30.
“I honestly just let it hurt and cry it out. Holding it in never made much sense to me. It’s never been hard for me to let people go either. Don’t forget the good times but understand that it’s time for a new adventure.”
31.
“Hide under the covers as long as possible. Talk to a close friend who won’t mind the endless dissection and analysis of what went wrong. Time time time.”
32.
“Write down everything you feel and think about, ask yourself questions, logical questions and take your time answer them. I know you will find the answers by your own cause you’re smart and you always do. it’s okay to be hurt life isn’t perfect so are people, you were sincere and loyal it’s not your fault it’s not that they didn’t love you as much as you do but it’s how life is, stop wasting your time and energy. it will probably take long time until you’re able to go on and forgive or stop missing them, but remember that what happened doesn’t mean you won’t be able to trust or love anyone again, it just mean that you have now more experience and more In-depth thoughts and wisdom about who you wanna fall in love with, who you want to be in your life and who you can trust. finally, after you take your time being alone and communicating with your emotions and thoughts it’s probably the right time to be around your amazing friends have fun and enjoy the jokes and be in the moment. Smile, laugh and interact spontaneously because it’s the time to feel alive again.”
33.
“I get obsessed wit the gym. I lie to myself and tell myself I’m okay. But honestly, I’m not sure I ever really get over it.”
34.
“The INF combination will cause all sorts of issues – the I wants to reflect on what happened, almost to an obsessive point; the N will wonder what you could have done and will lament over what could have been; and the F is simply sad. So while it’s okay to reflect (I), it’s also a time to look forward to a new normal. This will activate the N in thinking of possibilities. The F will recover – just give it time. It’s okay to feel happy again, and it’s okay to still be sad sometimes.”
35.
“I tend to take a lot more time to myself than I usually do. I cry, I sit in silence, I meditate I talk to myself and to God. When I have to do things, I put on some kind of music or a podcast to distract the language processing part of my brain from all the nasty ways it tries to convince me it’s somehow all my fault. Eventually, the ache fades enough for me to talk about it with those closest to me (usually my sister). As an introvert, I find that have to give myself a lot more time than others seem to before I can start to push myself to move on.”
36.
“I faced a recent heartbreak in December. I think my Fi literally went crazy. As in, I just couldn’t face the actually reality of life – that the person I LOVED had just crushed me and my vision of our present and future together. For about a month I was in the grip of this Fi deeeeeeppppp sadness, or perhaps it was just a kind of hormonal drug like withdrawal. The one thing that helped me the most was the fact that I had a fashion blog and my artwork that I literally had to keep going. I suddenly had so much time on my hands that I used to put into this other person, that now I could put into my own creativity. By DOING and being in my creative flow for MYSELF and not someone else, I was able to feel confident again. Then a month after the break up I reconnected with an amazing, generous, wonderful male friend and after a week we starting dating! I haven’t looked back since and am now SO grateful that I had my creativity and put energy into myself and focused on helming myself through action and not letting my sadness overwhelm me. 8 months later we are in the happiest relationship ever and my blog, confidence and happiness and thriving! SO INFPS…don’t get stuck in your dark emotions! Don’t get paralyzed in the negative cycles of those emotions. I also think you need to honor yourself and face the sadness for a certain period of time, just don’t let it get out of control.”
37.
“Write about it a lot–you need to make some kind of sense of your loss. Take yourself out on meaningful, liberating adventures. Throw your creative energy into something/someone else.”
38.
“When I’m heartbroken I tend to reflect. A lot. I come from different angles of the situations to understand why the situation played out the way it did and how I could grow from it as an individual and for the next relationship to come. To heal I usually journal, exercise, talk to friends and just try to rebuild a new norm without that person being around. Writing pieces and reciting them at spoken words do a lot for me. It’s a nice release from emotions I wouldn’t be able to express out loud in regular conversation. I don’t know how credible my advice would be because we all handle things in different ways but I guess i would say let the heartbreak break you open into a whole new magical being. One who can overcome the lonely night’s of confusion and feelings of guilt or inadequacy and channel your losses into art. Express yourself in any form. It’ll fill the void that you think you have within you. Also, quality sleep and laughter are the best ancient remedies to live by.”
