43 Things My Ex-Lovers Have Said To Me
Sometimes I’ll be jacking off in the shower and think, “Are you going to have enough sperm to have kids someday?”
By Elise Gray
- Sometimes I’ll be jacking off in the shower and think, “Are you going to have enough sperm to have kids someday?”
- I know someday I will pay for the things I have done.
- I could’ve cheated as much as I wanted and it wouldn’t have mattered.
- You shouldn’t read those books anymore; they make you imitate the characters.
- I love you.
- Fuck you.
- There could be the happiest man on the planet, and he still isn’t as happy as me.
- You need me; you can’t accomplish anything without me.
- All I want is you.
- Of course this isn’t serious! I’ve never wanted serious, why would you think that?
- I know that you’re going to accomplish everything you have set out to do.
- You can say that I’m an asshole but I know that I’m not; I know I’m a nice person.
- I didn’t deserve that.
- Sometimes I just really miss having someone to sleep with, I have a big-ass bed.
- I just want to cuddle.
- I want to kiss you just because I want to.
- No I don’t know why, I just want to.
- I know what I said but I think I want a relationship.
- You’re the only person I know who can wreck a car without denting it.
- No I don’t think I love you.
- It doesn’t matter if I was 17 or 22, I wouldn’t have never treated you the way he did.
- I don’t want his seconds.
- I ran naked in the woods once.
- I was wrong about before, I do love you.
- You’re too nice to everyone, even to me! Someday you’ll learn.
- I don’t hate you, I love you.
- You just don’t know enough about the world.
- All I care about is making money.
- One day I will be married with kids and I feel you’ll regret this.
- I’m gay; I just want you to know who I really am.
- You’re so beautiful.
- Oh I thought I was staying over.
- Nobody will ever love you like I do.
- I didn’t want to be harsh and say I wanted to break up.
- You know what Elise, Fuck you.
- You’re so special.
- I got you this because you have shitty taste in music.
- I already told you I don’t have expectations.
- You should really do something about your feet and the smell.
- You can’t just expect me to be a robot and not feel anything.
- I didn’t cheat but I could have.
- I was thinking that I would like to have a hall pass, so I can fuck other people.
- Yes I still have your bathrobe.