7 Things We Need To Stop Blaming On Men

1. Not thinking we’re pretty.

I know it sounds cliché, but a man’s opinion of our beauty does not determine our beauty. And we are wrong to think it does. If I walk into a party and every single head doesn’t turn, does that mean I’m ugly? If I dress up for class and the boy in the front doesn’t look up from his phone just to watch me walk in, does that mean I’m ugly? No. Just because every man in existence does not find us beautiful doesn’t mean we’re not, and it doesn’t mean they’re at fault for having no interest.

2. Thinking other girls are pretty.

Wouldn’t you be lying if you said you’ve only found one man in this entire universe attractive? Just because a boy I like thinks another girl is pretty, doesn’t mean he doesn’t think I’m pretty. The same way that my attraction to another man doesn’t take away from my attraction to the man I’m ultimately in love with.

3. Not texting us first.

I rarely text a boy first; consumed with anxiety over his feelings for me, I convince myself that he’d consider my texting him first to be annoying. Why in the world should we think that it’s any different for men? Do men not have insecurities? Here’s a thought: if we stop blaming boys for not initiating text conversations, maybe the stigma attached to girls texting first would go away.

4. Not making us their only priority.

Think about your life. You have a family, some great friends, a cute dog that you want to snuggle up next to, and a job. You have a hectic schedule, and that sometimes has a negative impact on your own life, friends, and family. Why should it not be the same for men? It’s unfair to expect a man to make you his first priority 24 hours every single day. He has family to visit, friends to chill with, jobs to work. It isn’t necessarily his fault that he can’t dote on you every living moment. And you can’t blame him for having other priorities either.

5. Not wanting us the way we want them.

Some men are just not interested in you. I know, shocker. Nothing — not even your mother telling you how pretty you are ever day of your life — can prepare you for the world of college boys. In other words, the number of boys who swooned over you in high school means nothing when it comes to college boys. Some boys just don’t want you. The same way that you, as a girl, just don’t want some boys. You can’t control it.

6. Not being Ryan Gosling.

There’s no playbook for how to treat a girl. There are basic guidelines that men should follow, but no one ever said they had to be perfect. I, for one, know full well that I’ve never acted like a passionate Rachel McAdams type, nor like a spontaneous and arresting Mila Kunis type. None of us are following a script here, so can I really blame a man for doing the same?

7. Not doing things that we ourselves aren’t willing to do.

I’ve seen so many lists teaching men how to be gentlemen. Open the door. Call a girl. Be polite. And that’s all so true, but why only men responsible for these things? Why aren’t we instructing every human alive to hold open the damn door? Isn’t that common courtesy? Which is why it’s important to never expect a man to hold a door open for you if you wouldn’t do the same for him.