A Love Letter To My Solitude

To My Darling Solitude,

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write this – thirty-one years to be exact.

While I’ve always been very fond of you, it took me all this time to truly fall in love with you.

Forgive me for playing hard to get.

How after all of this time did I fall?

Well, it’s a rainy Saturday morning and I spent last night sipping red and rearranging my bedroom.

Although I went to be alone I woke up with the sheets kicked off and pillows on the floor that paint a picture of how I danced in my dreams.

I’m the happiest I’ve been in ages and I feel like writing but I realize that I’m not in love.

I’m not not heart broken.

I’m not not dating anyone.

I’m not sleeping with anyone.

I am aware that these are usually the things I write about the most.

I’ve written letters about waking up with him

Waking up without him,

Waking up with someone new

but never waking up with you

My Darling Solitude.

Today I wake up completely happy.

The rain gets heavier and I look around my room and realize that I’m in my sanctuary and exactly where I want to be.

I’m in love with this state.

It’s a different kind of love, but it’s love.

I’m horny and I have fleeting thoughts of calling him – then I realize that I can give myself more pleasure with one finger than he could give me with his entire body.

So I masturbate and pull all of the kinds of orgasm faces that you don’t want someone you just met to start their day with.

I’m wearing a vintage Law & Order tee and

it reminds me that before I shower I’m going to watch an old episode of SVU in bed then maybe masturbate again over Stabler.

Maybe I’ll play a game with myself where I only masturbate when Stabler punches someone who isn’t proven guilty.

I know the episodes that I want to watch – I’m cheating.

I’m happy and this is a perfect Saturday morning.

I’m sorry that I haven’t given you enough credit before, you’re amazing and when I’m truly with you I appreciate you more than anything.

I can do whatever I want to do today and it feels fucking great – Thank You.

As much as I’m in love with you -Solitude, 

I do have those moments of concern,

“Do I like this too much?”

“Will I ever fall in love with somebody again?”

But just like all relationships, there are phases

Things change.

I know I will be with someone again but I want to always remember this feeling, of being in love completely with you, My Darling Solitude. 

I am so genuinely excited about our relationship together –Solitude, and I am so thankful that you are teaching me all of the ways to get to know myself more.

My dear, that’s it for now but I have promised to myself to write to you more and more.

I promise to never think that being alone is to be lonely.

I was born with you.

I will die with you, My darling solitude. 

Yours Truly, Contently, Sincerely,

                   Alone xo