6. When guys are overly enthusiastic about oral. I love that you love to do that, yes, but I don’t need you to insist on spending thirty minutes between my legs, trying to play my vagina like an instrument. It’s just excessive. Quality over quantity.

7. When guys jab their tongue during oral like it’s a weapon. Tongue jabbers are a tragedy. Just tone it down. Try some different stuff, like lighter stuff. And for the love of God, please stop trying to spell the alphabet onto my genitals.

8. Guys who try to nibble your ear lobe but actually lick your ear and do a sort of wet willy. Biting is fun. A little sucking is fun. A school yard bullying tactic is gross. Keep your tongue out of my ear, please.

9. Fast and loose fingerblasting.  I am not a thing that needs to be plunged. I am a person. There’s no gold at the end of this rainbow, no secret lock to which your fingers possess the key. Stop that.

10. Repetitive tapping of the clitoris. I know you played a lot of video games, but do you really need to treat my clit like the “B” button? It’s not going to respond to continued aggressive pressing. It has no cheat code.