I’m Not Like A Regular Feminist, I’m A Cool Feminist

I know you all hear the word feminist and you’re like “Gross!” right? I’m totes not like that, though, FYI.

I’m not one of those “angry” feminists. I don’t hate men, I love men. I’m just a guy’s girl, you know? I don’t cause drama so I just get along better with dudes.

Also, I don’t get offended by every little thing. If you ask me to make you a sandwich, I’ll just think “Yum! Sandwiches!” I don’t get why all those other feminists are upset all the time. Just relax! People might like you then.

You hear the word “feminist” and you’re imagining butch looking women burning bras and talking about how men are evil and sex is a tool of the patriarchy. Not this girl! I take pride in my appearance. It’s totally empowering to walk down the street and get complimented by guys. I don’t know who those people are that don’t like being “catcalled.” They’re just expressing that they appreciate your appearance, duh. Learn how to smile and take a compliment people.

I don’t even know what “rape culture” is but it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, tbh. Just don’t dress like a ho and get wasted. Problem solved. Not clear on the “pay gap” either because my parents pay for my cell phone and I live with my boyfriend so I just make him buy me stuff.

The reason most people don’t like feminists is because most feminists are so unlikeable. I don’t like to use the word “misogyny” because it seems mad aggro. I don’t think we really need to be screaming about feminism all the time. It’s a pretty good time to be a woman. We can vote, guys. There’s like, two prominent female CEOs. I finally learned how to Lean In™. I think we are good now.

I’m not like a regular feminist, I’m a cool feminist. Aren’t you like, SO relieved?