I Don’t Belong, But I Will Be Okay

It’s something I’ve always known. Something I’ve been fighting forever.

It fuels my anxiety, my insecurities, and my daily decisions.

But not anymore. This is an admission of how I understand my role in this world. How I know that I don’t fit. And it’s okay.

In fact, it’s more than okay.

I don’t have to worry about trying to fit into anyone else’s mold or expectation. I don’t have to fake enjoying something I truly don’t in order to appease anyone, anymore.

Every day that we’re lucky enough to wake up, we’re assigned to labels and time restraints; expectations and standards. The deepest depressions I’ve felt in my life is when I feel like I’ve failed or not lived up to these labels, expectations or standards; when I’ve been told I’m not normal or that what I do or have done is unusual.

My experiences have allowed me to have a perspective of what can, does, and usually should happen. I try my hardest to assist those around me who haven’t experienced it themselves, but that’s where another problem lies. I can’t. You have to let people burn in order for them to feel the heat. Not every time, but a lot of the time.

The fact of the matter is this: I will be fine. I’ve had to return bottles to get cash for gas to get to work. I’ve been in default on several debts. I’ve had my car repossessed. I’ve gone weeks with literally zero income.

And, I’ve gotten out of it. I’ve learned. It’s not overnight, but I’m trying. And that’s all I can do. That’s all any of us can do.

You cannot judge anyone else for what it is that they’re going through, and what is important for them. It’s a phase that they have to experience and learn.

You can help or hurt, and that’s up to you, but why anyone would choose hurt is beyond me.

Keep standing out. Don’t fit in; don’t change your shape.