When It’s All Said And Done, You’re Going To Miss The Chaos

I’m not really here. No one can say for sure where exactly I am, but certainly not all in the same place.

I’m scattered. Scattered through different emotions, moments, thoughts, and conversations. Spread out wide. Getting through it. Trucking on.

It’s all going to catch up to me someday. But not now, it’s not the time for that.

Life is so hard. Life is so wild. You can’t predict how life will go, no matter how much certainty you think you have with something.

Maybe you can outrun what you’re feeling, which you don’t know what that is, but it might be a good idea to run for a while. And don’t look back. Not until you’re far enough away to be certain you won’t have any regrets.

Do not try to figure out why the universe does what it does. You will not find the answer. You might find some lessons for sure, but don’t add meaning. That will fuck you.

Shit happens. “Shit luck.” Things crumble. Things do not always go according to plan. It can be beautiful even if it comes with consequences and tough decisions.

When life brings you pain, you never truly wish it never happened. Because you know more now. You’ve lived more now. You’ve been woken up to more depth of life.

You’re given experiences you never wanted for yourself, but now that you’re here, you can’t imagine not having them.

Try not to skip over it. It’s hard.

Sometimes time just stands still. You age an entire decade in the span of a week. Every single day is like a whole year’s time and experiences.

Then you see who shows up. That’s pretty incredible. That’s pretty beautiful. It’s definitely not all bad. There’s so much to be grateful for.

Try not to think about how you should feel. What it’s supposed to look like. Just let it hit you when it does.

Try not to overthink it. None of it is wrong. Nobody is judging you. Maybe you. You’re not sure.

Remember to breathe occasionally, even when you don’t want to.

When it’s all said and done, you’re going to miss this place. This chaos of uncertain feelings and emotions. You’re going to go back to your life and feel a longing for it. This will become just a distant memory.

Just keep going. Just keep doing your best. It’s all there really ever is in the first place.