What Freud Would Have Done If He Had Facebook
I’m paid to analyze the most trivial thoughts and irrelevant events in the lives of complete strangers, and even I don’t care about this. I’d rather watch a Celebrity Rehab marathon than spend another second dealing with the worthless drivel you post in your “updates.”
By Ted Pillow
Jenna Ashton: just got back from the gym, ready to go out with my ladies tonight! gettt it! lovemylife
3 people like this. Comment. 22 minutes ago
Sigmund Freud: You are trying to compensate for an unbearable emptiness in your life.
Monica Phallon: jenna who is this asshole^^^
Jenna Ashton: ugh, its freud STAY OFF MY PROFILE OR IM DEFRIENDING YOU FREUD UR SO WERID
Sigmund Freud: I’m sorry, but was that an attempt at free association? Compose yourself my dear, I cannot understand you.
Jenna Ashton: defriended. and for the last time, i dont want any coke u freak
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Allison Craft and Edward Hampton are in a relationship.
9 people like this. Comment. about an hour ago
Jessica White: Omg toooo cute
Jack Browning: About time you two love birds made it official ;)
Sigmund Freud: I don’t mean to be brash, but I have to question Facebook’s infinite wisdom. I think what it meant to say is “Allison Craft is subliminally choosing to mate with the closest thing she could find to her own mother — Edward Hampton and his three inch penis. Edward is sabotaging his own homosexual impulses in a misguided attempt to spurn his father.”
Edward Hampton: what…the…f-ck. my dad died in fire when i was 4
Sigmund Freud: Well, don’t get all pissy about it.
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Sigmund Freud has poked Dr. Phil.
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James Addison: Oh my god, people in the library can be so inconsiderate and annoying. No one wants to hear you guys flirting on your study date, so shut the hell up…I have a midterm in 45 minutes and I’m trying to study!
3 people like this. Comment. about an hour ago
Leah Walters: Ugh, I hate that! Stop by my dorm, I’ll help you study :)
Sigmund Freud: I’m paid to analyze the most trivial thoughts and irrelevant events in the lives of complete strangers, and even I don’t give a sh-t about this. I’d rather watch a Celebrity Rehab marathon than spend another second dealing with the worthless drivel you post in your “updates.” Grow a beard and stop acting like such a pansy, you insufferable twit.
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Sigmund Freud was tagged in Otto Rank’s album “Spring Break Vienna 1907.”
Sigmund Freud: Otto, you cad! Great times, but you could’ve left out the picture of me in the Speedo.
Otto Rank: What a blast. We definitely got in touch with our unconscious that week, that’s for sure…
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Lindsey Rather: Geeze i hate to be the one to say it, but to ppl who post ridiculusly emo and depressed status’s, calm down lol. not everbody hates there lives, so try and look on the bright side and stop crying urself to sleep haha
4 people like this. Comment. 47 minutes ago
Sigmund Freud: I think you spelled “projection” wrong.
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Sigmund Freud has poked Dr. Phil.
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Ralph Fasano: Derek jeter is a winner, through and through. i bet you red sox fans wish you had him insted of that BUM pedroia. tell you what though, you sox fan can suck it. LETS GO YANKEES 2012
Like. Comment. 2 hours ago
Sigmund Freud: You’re probably gay.
3 people like this.
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Josef Breuer: Smokin’ mad blunts in the Range Rover with my boy Siggy Freud. Get at us, yo. Trying to party tonight…
Like. Comment. 3 hours ago
Carl Jung: You know, for two heterosexual men, you guys spend a lot of time lighting phallic symbols for each other to puff on.
Sigmund Freud: Sometimes a cheap cigar filled with marijuana is just a cheap cigar filled with marijuana, my boy.
Carl Jung: Go smoke a meat cigar, dickweed.
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Sigmund Feud likes “Oedipus the King by Sophocles.” Like this page.
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Sigmund Feud likes “cocaine.” Like this page.
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Sigmund Freud likes “mothers.” Like this page.
Sigmund Freud: Well, not just anyone’s mother, if you catch my drift…
Paula Fox: Dude, stop.
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Dennis Muldoon: Had the weirdest dream last night. Let’s just say I was an adult-sized baby, and it involved my parents, French clowns, a bowling alley, Richard Dawson, and the Washington Monument. #traumatizing
Like this. Comment. 4 hours ago
Sigmund Freud: I’m not even touching that one. Make an appointment with Jung.
Dennis Muldoon: Hasn’t modern psychology like, rejected all of your theories?
Sigmund Freud: Don’t you like, work at a Red Lobster? You’re the guy whose entire life is a series of unequivocal rejections. I’m the guy who invented psychoanalysis.
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Sigmund Freud has poked Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil: hey what’s the big idea freud
Sigmund Freud: Get your head out of Oprah’s ass, you charlatan. You’re the only man I’ve ever come across who suffers from penis envy.
Richard von Krafft-Ebing: LOL
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Jeff Williamson: Just rented the new Cronenberg flick “A Dangerous Method” about Freud and Jung. Long live the new flesh!
1 person likes this. Comment. 6 hours ago
Sigmund Freud: Ah yes, the movie where I’m played by the drill instructor from G.I. Jane. Marvelous.
Sigmund Freud: For what it’s worth, the Chicago Reader said, “this is a movie with too much talk and not enough sensation.” So don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll LOVE it.
Jeff Williamson: You’re a real dick, dude.
27 people like this. 
