19 INTPs Explain What They Do To Heal After A Heartbreak
"I'm terrible at recognizing my own emotions, so I have to talk to myself like a child and label how I feel rather than rationalize it all away."
By 
Heidi Priebe
Each type handles heartbreak a little differently. As rationals, INTPs often find themselves wanting to make logical sense of their heartbreak – but that isn’t always the fastest road to healing. Below, 19 INTPs share what they do to heal their hearts when they’ve been broken.
1.
“I shut myself out from the (already few) friends I have because I really need to focus all of my brainpower into processing my feelings and attempting to heal, and while they may mean well and their sympathy is appreciated, pity is unproductive. Ultimately, what gets me back to my feet again is the realization that what’s done is done, and the best I can do is take what I’ve learned and apply it moving forward.”
2.
“Keep myself as occupied as possible. I think INTPs are naturally detached people. But heartbreak still hurts like a bitch. So, I cry a lot during a short time of period (a month or 2 max, depending what it is). Almost nothing else heals better than time. I’ll eventually move on. It’s only a phase.”
3.
“Read a book on how to cope with heartbreak. Advice: It’s only temporary.”
4.
“I’m terrible at recognizing my own emotions, so I have to talk to myself like a child and label how I feel rather than rationalize it all away. I also have to force myself to experience all those emotions rather than distract myself with trivia. Uncomfortable as those feelings may be, I have to experience them or else I become self destructive.”
5.
“It’s easy for my type to go down the rabbit hole and start over-analyzing what we did to destroy a relationship with someone (inferior Fe). But what’s always helped me is somehow mustering up that 8th function Fi and giving a damn about my own feelings then actually sharing them with person who hurt me. It’s not easy, but once it’s done you’ll feel free of the self doubt and mind games INTPs like to play on themselves.”
6.
“I avoid it completely and move on with life as if nothing happened.”
7.
“It only happened once, but I changed everything in my life and started again so there were no reminders. People said I would regret throwing things away but that wasn’t true.”
8.
“Tbh, as an INTP, I’m super guarded when it comes to my heart. I don’t just let people in. And when I do, rarely do they ever make it to my heart. I’m still young, and (fortunately) haven’t had to deal with much heart break. But I know this: a lot of it is self-induced. I’ll open my heart to someone, and if I feel and perceive that I’m not getting their heart in return, I shut down and turn bitter. I let them in, and now I’m paying for it, so to stop those pesky emotions from taking over, I tell myself it doesn’t matter and that I don’t care. But I do. Oh, how much I really do. Face the emotions. God knows how hard it is for us INTPs to acknowledge emotions, especially in ourselves. But that’s the only way to get over a broken heart and to move on. Accept what you are feeling. Don’t be mad at yourself for letting someone in. Just acknowledge what you are feeling.”
9.
“I usually try to numb myself from feeling anything, but that can be a destructive way to deal with pain. It works when I try to find something else to focus my attention on like finding a new hobby.”
10.
“I try to zone out as much as possible and just wait. Time heals all wounds (so far).”
11.
“I get angry and sarcastic towards my ex and then I get over it in about three days. My attachment for people goes away really quickly so I don’t tend to feel heartbreak as hard or often. I don’t really need to heal. I just move on. When I’m done, I’m done. My advice – it’s ok not to suffer and it’s not to mourn. Don’t feel guilty for being able to move on quickly.”
12.
“A lot of therapy and figuring out one can never know the reasons why and to stop ruminating and stop devising creative ways to explain your own position. To move on is to accept that the other person can’t understand you and you’ll never understand the other person. Insights offer a peak into that but full understanding cannot happen.”
13.
“When I’m heartbroken I just think a little than get myself another occupation.”
14.
“My instinctive response is to isolate myself and obsessively analyze everything about the situation. My first step to dealing with that is to find something else to temporarily distract myself and obsess over (a new project, a new TV series, etc.) It takes me a little while to get to the next step, but what I really need to do to recover is to get out of my head – hanging out with a small group of friends that are good at keeping me present (rather than sitting silently in the group stuck in my own head again) or doing something physical that requires me to be in the moment rather than in the past. This helps me get past the initial emotional response, which short-circuits my brain, at which point I can start letting go and moving on.”
15.
“Learn new things, go out with my best friends, go to the movies, visit museums, cry and try to avoid pain by not being alone.”
16.
“Time. Reflection on the incident. But at the end of the day, time is what ultimately fixes it.”
17.
“Consciously acknowledge that I am not exempt from the existence of feelings. We tend to forget that we are human some times and that yes, we too ‘feel’ things. Acknowledge and accept how I feel and experience the sensations/thoughts that I have that accompany the feeling no matter how painful it may be to face. Remind myself that the feeling is temporary, I’ll eventually pull through and be back able to think clearly & rationally without being pestered by the ’emotional’ side affects of the break up. Advice: Don’t listen to that critical voice. Don’t beat yourself up, question your value or let self doubt take over. The relationship may have simply not been right for you – You’ll live.”
18.
“Don’t disappear! It’s easy to curl up in a warm, comfy place and binge on video games or books, but that’s counterproductive. Instead, find some stranger to help (or two or five) until you feel life might be worthwhile again. If you have other communities you belong to, invest in those, too. Isolating may sound good, but try something else this time.”
19.
“I have a heart?” 
