Diary Of A Cyber Girl: Relationship Status

Are we dating?

What does dating mean exactly… does that mean we’re physically going on dates? Like I don’t know that time you took me to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Two. That was a date wasn’t it? We held hands and you were totally macking on me when Harry was just like whizzing around on his broomstick and stuff.

So, we’re dating in the sense of going-on-dates dating.

But what about the other type of dating – the girlfriend/boyfriend dating. Are we doing that? Do you know? Because I don’t.

In a society where Facebook is all-knowing… do I want to equate it to God? That might be a stretch, but hell – I’m going to say it. In a society where Facebook is God, I feel like I should reference your “relationship status.”

Okay, I just checked it out – you’re single. So, I guess that means we’re not dating.

(Pause)

Wait, I don’t understand. Has the past month meant nothing to you? Do you really consider yourself totally unattached? Totally single? This is totally nuts. I hate you. No, I don’t hate you.

Now, I’m confused.

Okay, I’m not confused. Obviously you’re single and I mean if you’re single, then by default I’m single. HEY BEYONCE ALL YOU SINGLE LADIEZ – I am right here! I am so liberated. I am woman, hear me roar.

But, I guess I was always liberated, because we were never dating. We were just friends. I thought we were just friends. But, I thought that we were just friends because I thought that you thought we were more than just friends. I wanted to be the cool, unattached person in this relationship.

Well, that backfired.

Or maybe you just don’t go online that much, so you couldn’t change your status. I mean I don’t even have my relationship status displayed on my profile for instances such as this. Why didn’t you think of that?

My fingers just activated. I went back to your page. You have been online – recently updated status “why is fruit so good?”

Better question: “Why do I even like you?” You can spam your wall with these meaningless thoughts on a basic food group, but when it comes to that relationship option I get nothing?

I mean, jeez, I don’t even want a boyfriend. I was just doing this as a favor to you. I don’t want you to write on a public forum that you’re in a relationship with me. Whatever.

Okay, I’m back on the prowl. Here I come. Holla at me, boyz.

… But seriously, why is this happening? Okay, it’s fine we’re totally dating I don’t care what your Facebook says. We can’t just base our lives off of that, right?

That’s it  – you’re my boyfriend. Alert the media. Whew, glad we resolved that pesky little issue.