Let me start off by saying that historically, I have been known to put up with a lot in my quest to find true love (e.g. drug addiction, antagonism towards my world views, hatred of fast food). However, sometimes a well-placed comment at the end of a night is all it takes for me to immediately lose interest in ever seeing you again. Here are just a few gems given by potential suitors right before I wrote them off.
- “No, seriously. The Jonas Brothers are my favorite band.”
- “Can you turn up the air conditioner? I feel like my pomade is melting.”
- “I don’t think you even like…”
- “No one wants to see a play about poor people.”
- “So is being all over guys a common occurrence with you? Maybe you need a leash.”
- “Last night was enriching for me… it served as the last healing ceremony for my broken spirits from my last relationship. Here’s a poem I wrote describing my feelings…”
- “The only book I’ve read outside of school is Kobe Bryant’s biography.”
- “How many dates should you go on before you tell someone that you are a transgender?”
- “All in all, I think polygamy is a good idea.”
- “If I found out you were dating someone else, I would kill them.”
- “Women shouldn’t be in positions of power; the labor market sours them.”
- “I’d let a girl feel me up good if I knew it’d help keep her straight.”
- “Well, you’ve made out with all of my friends. It’s my turn now.”
- “My mom packed me a lunch.”
- “How frequent are your bowel movements?”
- “You drive a Rav4? I thought only Dykes drove Rav4’s.”
- “You haven’t heard of me? I have a big following on Spotify.”
- “I want people to think I’m really nice for dating someone uglier than me.”
- “Why don’t you just tell your clients to stop being so fat?”
- “I live down the street… in my car.”