Bill Raftery Narrates One Of My Sexual Encounters

“Whoa! Look at this one! She has something of an angelic countenance. It’s not every March you get to see such a low-ranking competitor like Muska upset the mostly male bar crowd by taking down—and taking home—such a staggering talent!”

“With the kiss! A kiss to be remembered, potentially!

“It’s been a while since Muska has been active. Time to shake the dust off! Someone call the janitor!”

“Muska’s really gotta watch out. If he gets too excited too early he tends to blow it. It was one of his main problems coming out of high school, and it’s been haunting him for years. But on occasion he quickly catches a second wind and…REDEMPTION!”

“His teammates say he’s always been a stand-up guy, but I’ll tell you this: he’s not afraid to lay down and just take it late in the game. The kid grinds it out with the best of ‘em.”

“There’s a little lingerie on the deck!”

“Send it in, medium-sized fella!!”

“He’s been down there banging his head around all night, and I think we can all tell he’s not afraid to get his nose in there and really shake things up! He’s got unorthodox technique, but he seems to find the sweet spot about 46 percent of the time.”

“This kid’s got a tongue like a slightly less-relaxed Michael Jordan.”

“Welcome to the cock party!”

“There’s not a lot of raw potential here, but hopefully they can make up for it with stick-to-itiveness, passion, and chemistry! You can tell they’re both just really happy to be in action tonight, to get the opportunity to go out there and give it The Old College Try.”

“He’s big on practice. Says he spends hours and hours a week locked away, practicing all by himself, watching all kinds of film. His knowledge of James Deen is unparalleled, it seems.”

“The dexterity, the agility, the tenacity!”

“You can pretty much tell he’s humming ‘One Shining Moment’ in his head right now.”

“He’s got that pretty lefty stroke. So smooth!”

“That move was most unattractive…but beneficial.”

“He’s a girthy fella, always manages to fill the lane!”

“Muska’s generally quick to get one off. It’s an absolute rarity that you’ll see him even come close to eclipsing the 35 second shot clock.”