Let’s be real, no one in college has ‘that cumin in the back of your pantry’ and my mom never brought me ‘parsley I never knew how to use!’ on Parent’s Weekend like so many blogs assume. Here is where I come in, with five recipes that are tested and approved by college students, for college students. These can be used for when you’re preparing to take on your day like Olivia Pope, or just crying over a bottle of red wine in bed while watching Olivia Pope:
1. Jar of Peanut Butter
LEVEL: In a grrreat place.
Prep Time: 0 minutes
Cook Time: 0 minutes
Total Time: 0 minutes
Servings: One jar of peanut butter.
Ingredients: Jar of Peanut Butter, tablespoon, lack of self-respect.
2. Half Eaten Pizza From Last Night
LEVEL: Ughhhhhh why-is-the-sun-so-bright.
Prep Time: The 20 minutes it takes you to somehow leave your bed and get to the kitchen. (UNLESS you sleep with your pizza, like me, in which case this is 0 minutes).
Cook Time: 30 seconds on the microwave, if you want it to be soggy and weird you animal.
Total Time: 0 minutes-20 minutes and 30 seconds
Ingredients: The internal dialogue of “Am I hungry? Nauseous? I have pizza?”, Advil, and fifty blurry selfies.
3. Your Roommate’s Hummus
LEVEL: Point of no return.
Prep Time: 3 minutes it takes to make sure they’re not there, plus 2 minutes to reason with yourself “am I really doing this?”
Cook Time: 20 seconds, to find pita chips
Total Time: 3-5 minutes
Ingredients: LACK OF SOUL, menacing smile, desperation.
4. Nearest Chinese Restaurant’s Student Deals
LEVEL: Requires pants. So EXTREMELY difficult.
Prep Time: 10 minutes to find a pair of jeans that don’t totally fit, but will almost button, thus allowing you to leave the house. And 5 minute walk, because if you live farther than 5 minutes from a Chinese restaurant, move.
Cook Time: That’s the chefs battle, not yours.
Total Time: 15 minutes
Ingredients: Telling your mom you just don’t have the time with your stressful Communications major to make food.
5. Sleeve Of Oreos
LEVEL: AND I’M HERE, TO REMIND YOUUUU.. OF THE MESS YOU LEFT WHEN YOU WENT AWAYAYY..
Prep Time: 0 minutes, because the Oreos were already opened and under your bed from last week
Cook Time: 5 seconds, because that’s how long it takes to debate whether you want to like your crushes status for a truth in their inbox, even though you know they were hacked and it was a joke but maybe, just maybe this will ignite a flame in their mind for you? Where’s the rest omy wine?
Total Time: 5 seconds, plus 5 minutes and 31 seconds for when you sing ‘All Too Well’ by Taylor Swift to yourself in the mirror.
Ingredients: Your ex’s Facebook account, scrolled all the way back to 2010, no pants, and a belief that cavities and calories don’t exist. 
