Living With Your Best Friend: The Complete Schedule

9:30am: Wake up. Decide you will let your roommate shower first and hit snooze. You will wake up at 9:45 for sure.

10am: Best friend knocks on door, because you both have class at 11 and she has yet to hear you make any sounds of life. She wakes you up and threatens to throw away your beloved coffee pot if you don’t get up soon. Not because she’s upset she had to wake you up, but because she cares and knows if you miss class one more time this semester you will never stop hating yourself. It’s only an 11 am class after all!

10:35am: You miss the bus because you had to stop to ask her 20 times if your outfit was okay; she needed to raid your accessories. You now have to power walk 25 minutes to class. It’s decided you can’t bear to walk into a 300-person lecture hall late again. You agree your killer leg muscles will be worth the suffering.

On the walk you may either listen to music or talk about trivial things like who had the weirdest dream. There is never any pressure to speak and it’s never rude to prefer to listen to your latest and greatest Spotify playlist.

Though you go to different classes across campus, she texts you if she makes it on time or not. Presumably it will read as such “On time, because I’m a boss-ass bitch.” You will laugh too loudly and the boy sitting in front of you will rotate his head 180 degrees to give you the evil eye.

You may have completely different majors, and never get to cross paths but the modern-age allows for constant communication. You receive cutesy snapchats when she has an awkward amount of time between classes. You text her about your moment-to-moment interactions with the boy you couldn’t be any more forward with but still doesn’t understand. She agrees he’s an idiot but encourages you to be even more forward with your shameless flirting.

1pm: On days when you have meltdowns and end up crying in a bathroom stall in the student center, she will sneak out of her internship to hug you. On days when you see a flash sale at the bookstore, you text her, she will sneak out of her internship and you will buy Christmas presents in October. You realize she doesn’t really like her internship and you try to give her new reasons to sneak out. That’s what best friends do.

3pm: Finish with classes for the day and walk home. Text her saying you are dying of hunger because the two of you tend to only eat once per day. Ask her what she wants; be completely exasperated when she says she doesn’t care because you don’t care. You both would just like food because fainting is a very real possibility.

5pm: Even though you got home before her, eating without her is just plain unacceptable. You don’t deserve to eat if she can’t eat. The moment she walks through the door—hug. Whether it’s been the best day ever or the worst day ever you both know hugging is an essential part of the human experience.

5:30pm: Begin making spaghetti. Make comments about how spaghetti never gets old. You make the noodles while she makes the sauce because you only ever learned how to make half of the meal. Realize you don’t even know the first step to making the sauce but thankfully she says she can’t tell when noodles are ready. Cooking side-by-side makes you grateful she’s your partner in crime and perhaps also grateful you aren’t an entirely useless roommate.

6pm: Finally eat food. It’s delicious and warm. You are glad you didn’t eat without her. Eating with her is infinitely better than eating alone- even though you eat in silence as you watch Wife Swap or Modern Family. For some reason those are the only two shows ever on at 6pm. You do the dishes because she did them last night and will do them tomorrow. You don’t wait for prompting or arguing. No side eyeing thinking, “who will break first?” You just do them.

8pm: After hours of meaningless television bemoan about homework due at midnight or studying for that exam that snuck up on you. Do homework on the floor of the living room or whosever room is the cleanest that day. Interrupt each other often. She tells you what’s funny or relevant on Tumblr, you do the same for her on Twitter. Take three hours to do homework that should have taken one. Complain the entire time to each other about how you are dropping out of school and don’t want to be searched for. Bonus if you take the time to develop a worthwhile life for a college drop-out.

12am: Gossip– gossip about everything and anything. Lay on her bed and talk about what needs to be done and how exhausting the next day, week, month or the rest of the semester will be. Bitch about the group project you are currently in that makes you want to pull your hair out and set fire to something. Give each other game plans on how to finally ask that one boy out in your class. Facebook stalk friend-of-friend’s brother’s girlfriend together.  Be thankful that after an overwhelming day of speaking to humans that only let you down that you get to come home to a person that understands you in ways that you couldn’t image anyone else could.

3am: Even though you told each other you were going to sleep hours ago, text each other saying that you’ve made a terrible mistake and to wake you up if you aren’t awake in time. Take a half a second to think about what life would be like to live with a stranger who would strangle you for hitting snooze four times each morning or for accidentally taking too long of a shower. Decide it’s really time to stop thinking because she’s going to have to wake you up for the third morning in a row tomorrow.