30 Terrible Moves From Porn Women Wish You Would Stop Using In Real Life

1. Rubbing the clit like a fucking stain on a shirt. Circular motions please.

2. Stop jackhammering into us right off the bat, warm up to it and get us WET. No, spitting on the pussy doesn’t count.

3. When they go from ass to vagina. Good way to get an infection. Once you go butthole, you don’t go back.

4. Slapping a girl’s clit. Massage it, don’t try to be forceful. (But of course everyone is different and some folks might like it. Just ASK.)

5. Going faster when you tell them something feels good/you’re gonna cum. Protip: don’t change a goddamn thing. Keep up the same pace.

6. Flicking your nipples or slapping your tits is not a turn on. It hurts.

7. This is a strange one, but in a lot of porn, the dude just pounds away standing up so that we can see everything going on with the woman — like boobies and all that. It’s all good for cinematics or whatever but please… hold me during sex. Let me nuzzle my face into your neck and hug you and leave little marks on your shoulder. It’s so much more intimate and makes me feels safe. Not sure about other women but that’s the thing I value the most with my boyfriend.

8. STOP being silent! Please moan, that shit is hot as hell.

9. That we just instantly get into the mood. You walk into the room and I’ll just immediately want you. No. I’m still thinking about that embarrassing thing I did last week. I need more than 3 minutes to get into it!

10. Spanking!!! Every dude I have ever hooked up with does it on my upper thighs instead of my asscheeks. There’s. A. Method. You gotta cup as you’re going in for the smack my dudes. And for bonus points, gently rubbing the area after you smack it helps. Good Lord. I’m not trying to not be able to sit for weeks.

11. Talk dirty. It’s nice to hear some things but the “ahh yeah bitch lick that up you fucking dumb slut” is lame and pretentious.

12. Thinking hardcore jack-hammering for 30 seconds is going to get the job done. For a start, it’s a cervix, not a service bell. Those probably aren’t gasps of pleasure, if you hit it wrong (or for some people, at all), it HURTS. Second of all, barely a fifth of people with vaginas can experience a vaginal orgasm. The rest require additional stimulation, mostly clitoral. They also need to be turned on (and despite what my boyfriend thinks, a passionless minute of dry humping their butt probably won’t do it).

13. Foreplay. It’s literally fucking crucial if you want the girl to get anything out of it at all. Sure sometimes penetration is good, but it shouldn’t be the standard for sex.

14. Shoving your head down without asking.

15. Slapping you in the face with your dick when you’re down there.

16. I have nothing against being choked but when you’re actively trying to make me pass out/stop breathing. That’s where I draw the line.

17. Don’t eat a girl out by immediately spreading her lips, trying to lift up her clitoral hood, and then just stabbing her clit with the tip of your tongue, unless you know beforehand that she’s into that.

18. Don’t put your fingers in our butts UNLESS you ask for consent first. It isn’t sexy getting an unexpected thumb up your butt during doggie style. Spit can only go so far my friend.

19. Don’t grab the titty so fucking hard bro!

20. Saying how you’re going to “destroy, pop that cherry, make walking hard for days, make you sore.” Don’t offer to chafe my flesh, man. There’s not going to be a boxing match against my vagina, so stop trying to intimidate your opponent.

21. Don’t expect porn noises. Some girls are loud, some aren’t. If all sexual interactions sounded like porn then it would be much worse living next to your elderly neighbors.

22. Don’t stick your tongue full-length into my ear. If you’re an alien breaking character and trying to suck my brains out, that’s one thing, but honestly it’s just the utter opposite of appealing.

23. Spreading your butt cheeks apart doing doggie or reverse cowgirl… do you want me to fart bro?

24. Titty fucking. The logistics are just way too difficult.

25. “OH, YEAH YOU LIKE THAT???” As he completely misses my clit.

26. Don’t ever cum on anyone’s face without asking consent. Most people don’t like it and cum burns your eyes and messes up your hair. If you have a partner who is super uptight about their hair this is this VERY important.

27. Never roughly stick anything or any member in a vagina or anus with NO LUBE. Never. EVER. IT IS DANGEROUS. No one wants to get piston fucked by someone with no care trying to act like a porn star. IT HURTS. SKIN TEARS. THAT IS BAD, NOT NORMAL!!!!!

28. Move your body all different ways and painful angles. Grab your legs and try to make you do the splits, whack your legs over their shoulders, or just flip you over like a pancake…

29. It’s not necessarily the content, but the technique.

I’ve had to teach every. single. partner. Appropriate fingering technique. Thankfully most of them were receptive and quick learners.

Any men who are lurking here: LISTEN to your partners and communicate with them. If a girl is trying to show you the best way to finger her, don’t be discouraged and give up because you got it wrong the first time — try! You’ll both be better off for it.

30. Thinking all women love to deep throat with no chance for air. Occasionally you can throw that in there but goddamn some guys.