I Lost You, But I Found Myself

It hurts remembering every detail of every first. The first date, first kiss, first laugh, first connection. But what I loved the most during those firsts was knowing I’d remember them forever.

I remember the first time seeing you and loving your smile. I remember our first date being so genuine, we connected instantly. I remember getting butterflies in my stomach each time I’d think of you. I remember every time we’d burst into laughter. I remember our late night talks expressing our goals, insecurities, strengths, and weaknesses. I remember holding you tightly and never wanting to let go. I remember kissing you and knowing I wouldn’t want anything else. I remember the way you took care of me when I was sick and weak. I remember thinking how easy our relationship was and thanking God for blessing me with someone like you. I remember looking at you and knowing it would hurt so much when you leave.

Suddenly, I remember you being distant. I remember you looking at me differently. I remember you not caring for me like you did before. I still remember the words you said when you didn’t want to be with me anymore. I remember my thoughts, my tears, my pain. I was so convinced I’d never find anyone like you. I was so convinced you were the best God would ever give me. I was convinced you were meant for me. It felt as if my heart was cut into pieces, bleeding out, weakening each second. I felt as if I were dropped into a deep hole and the only person that could save me was you. How could you build me up and tear me down? No one understood me the way you did. No one knew how I felt but you. The hardest part was getting over you and learning how to be alone. Letting you go seemed impossible, but your absence made me a better person. Your loss was my gain. I recognized what I had to offer and gave it to myself. I realized I didn’t need anything but my own love to feel enough.

It hurts to believe we’re convinced someone is meant for us because it feels right. But at some point, we must remember someone can only be in our lives for a certain season. We weren’t forever like I thought we’d be, but you were definitely what I needed to become stronger. And until this day, I thank God for the experience and wish you well.