I Never Needed You To Be Happy

When I met you, I was a freshman in college. I had never been in a real relationship, and to be honest, I really wasn’t looking for one. Then my best friend introduced me to you, and little did I know, you would change my whole world.

It started off small—we were just Snapchatting. Snapping then turned into texting and texting turned into hanging out until there wasn’t a day when we didn’t see each other. You helped me move in and out of apartments, met my friends, met my parents, went to family events with me. You became the guy that everyone asked me about.

I remember the night, about eight months later, when my mom asked if we wanted to come over and help paint a room in our house. It felt like a movie. We were painting random things all over the walls and putting our initials in hearts. Apparently, you could see the paintings through the coat of paint we put over it, so we got into a little trouble for that. But it was worth it. That night, I said to my mom, “I think I love him.” She told me that she knew and that she could tell you loved me too.

For the next year, things were great. You were my rock. When things were not going right, you were always there for me. You were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with. I really believed that I could have spent the rest of my life with you. You were everything to me.

So, tell me why none of that was real. Tell me why we came close but never close enough. Why did I spend two years of my life with someone who never cared about me the same way I cared for them? All the I love you’s and I miss you’s… what were you trying to do to me?

The night I realized I would never be anything more than a girlfriend experience to you was the night I lost all my self-worth. You broke me.

And I thank you.

I thank you because without that horrendous heartbreak, I would have never learned how to pick myself back up and truly love myself the way I deserve to be loved. It took me so long to get over you. I spent countless nights crying and telling myself that I would never find anyone else, that maybe it just wasn’t the right time, that maybe you would come back.

It took me a year to fully get over you, and I know now that I never needed you to be happy. You were not the one I would spend the rest of my life with, but you did get me one step closer to finding them. Because of you, I know my self-worth and what I deserve, and I will never allow someone to use me the way you did.

Not long ago, you texted me asking if you could still see our hearts on the wall.

“No,” I responded. “They aren’t there anymore.”