Holden Desalles

When they get dressed for you (sometimes).

When a DJ says the next track is by request, they’re lying 99% of the time. We just make up names to make it sound like we’re engaged with the audience. The request line is often just put on hold so that callers think we’re being slammed with calls and not just ignoring them. Every market I’ve worked in has done this. Every. Market.

The girl you love deserves time with her friends, and screw you if you don’t think so. She deserves happy hour after work, company parties for employees only, and drinks with old college friends who are in town for the weekend.

If you just can’t with the rest of the day, here are 18 images of sleepy baby animals yawning.

The fact that one of them loves me.

The thing I’m most afraid of is me. Of not knowing what I’m going to do. Of not knowing what I’m doing right now.

As much as I would love to be a person that goes to parties and has a couple of drinks and has a nice time, that doesn’t work for me. I’d just rather sit at home and read, or go out to dinner with someone, or talk to someone I love, or talk to somebody that makes me laugh.

My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.

I hate when as a food runner i’m holding very hot plates and the family of five has no idea what they ordered as i repeat “derp burger” four times. Meanwhile my flesh is burning away.

“I tip based on the size of your…”

I was so shocked that I went on auto-pilot mode and threw their leftovers away. The guy was NOT very hungry after that, though.

Broad shoulders just give off an air of masculinity and I love the contours of the bones there, they look so inviting and I want to nibble on them.

When a man treats me completely normally… like I’m a person and not a girl.

The need to find out what will happen if I don’t relent or moderate my actions has been a constant source of difficulty and discomfort in my life.

The best part? The look of fear on her face during the whole thing because she didn’t know how many she put up there in the first place.

I definitely have body image issues. One offhanded, mostly joking comment about a shirt making me look fat and I’ll be stressing about it for the rest of the day.

You may be over the song, but you can’t deny that it makes you want to dance — so much that Justin Bieber and his friends got in on the action.

Does your city have a giant pink elephant giving itself a bath?