Zach Stafford

“Gender, sex and sexuality. What’s the difference?” That’s how my first Women’s Studies class started during my freshman year of college, around four years ago. I sat there, baffled, not knowing where to begin.

I am personally not one for waiting in the rain — not even for James Blake — and as he finished small talk with a fan, I made my way towards him. When our eyes met, I thought “Don’t fan girl out, he’s British, not God, don’t’ fan girl out.”

Yankees, say it with me: “Hello… how are you?” Was that hard? Did you break a nail? NO! Say it, it will make you feel better. And how about, when getting on an elevator – don’t press the “Close Door” button when I’m a foot away. Or that whole cutting the line at the market when a new line opens – it’s not cute.

I have found a new love, and his name is iPhone. He treats me nice, lets me touch all over him in public, get’s turned on super fast, keeps secrets better, and he is skinny. There is no flashing when he has to tell me something, he lets me take my own time to check him, use him, and be with him.

The Traveler just so happens to always be visiting that day and is in dire need of meeting up because he’s lonely or needs someone to show him the city, (sidenote: lonely is another code word for “lets get naked.”)