Judgment Free Zone? No, Thanks

Yesterday I was eating lunch when I overheard two 20-year-old guys having a conversation. They were discussing their friend who decided instead of meeting them to hang out, he was going to help the girl who cheated on him move furniture. One of the guys said, “That’s kind of weird.” Then the other one quickly reprimanded him by saying, “Hey man, don’t judge.”

I nearly spit broccoli cheddar soup all over the table. “Don’t judge”? Asking people not to judge is like asking your cats to love you. They may appear to express the sentiment, but trust me when I say it ain’t happening.

Try as we might to suppress them, our judgments will keep coming back like that cold sore you’ve been desperately trying to convince yourself isn’t herpes. I myself have attempted becoming a more “approving” person, but then someone has to go and say The Big Bang Theory is the greatest TV show of all time. Is it? Is it really? If you say this to me you’re going to get a healthy serving of judgment, with an extra helping of verbal condemnation.

Personally, all I do is judge. I believe in the order of natural processes, right after breathing, eating, and excreting, there is judging. Most of the time people do so without even thinking about it. I like chocolate ice cream because it tastes great. I hate pistachio ice cream because it looks like guacamole and eating it makes me feel like a divorced dad. Uh-oh, I made some judgments there didn’t I? I apologize. All ice creams are equal and I would be just as happy to eat chocolate as I would to eat pistachio. The fact that I’m not an alcoholic father amidst a custody battle is beside the point.

But judging things like ice cream is okay, right? That’s just having an opinion. You should never judge people though. That’s mean and downright un-Christian. The only one who can judge people is the Lord himself. Unfortunately, the Lord is often MIA when there’s prime judging to be done.

I don’t remember him coming down to cast judgment on people who walk barefoot into airplane bathrooms. Where is God to judge those who get barbed wire tattoos around their biceps? He’s nowhere to be found. This is why the role of judging must be outsourced to us people.

Then, of course, the question becomes who exactly are those with the “right” opinions to cast judgment. The thing is, if you’re asking that question, you’re not one of them.

You want to live in a judgment free zone? Good luck with that. Judging is here to stay.