Zach Arlen

As a reminder, this list is not subjective. It is based on scientific law.

Underrated: Dogs wearing sunglasses.

Go to the gym? Ride a motorcycle? Sure, those tips may help softly push your inner bitch aside.

EZsleep: At-home hibernation pods in which users can place themselves in a medically induced coma for an extended period of time

The only description I have is his first name and a few facts. He’s relatively tall, he has dark features, and he likes to play basketball. She also said he’s most likely in a fraternity. Helen Keller could have given me more information.

Freestyle rapping about U.S. drone strike civilian casualties with Katy Perry

The only one who can judge people is the Lord himself. Unfortunately, the Lord is often MIA when there’s prime judging to be done.

Unfortunately, your blood is not always going to go to poor Little Johnny.

I swear if you use your spatula to make another pile of rice shaped into a heart look like it’s beating I’m going to take a dump on the grill.

Here are some “never have I ever” prompts to bring your boring old drinking game to the next level.

What’s even the point of having a dog when nobody likes your cute Instagram pictures of it?

In reality, the person who tries to win the lottery is an idiot and the person who never tries is smart.