I Am Teaching Myself To Be A Person

For as long as I can remember, I have been guarded and hesitant. I’ve allowed so many parts of my past consume every single part of my future.

Today, I’m going to teach myself how to be real and authentic.

I’m teaching myself how to be a person, and how to love entirely and to let go fearlessly. I’m doing this, because I deserve this breakthrough.

I’m entirely choosing myself today, because I need to teach myself how to be alone. I need to teach myself how to let my heart breathe, and how to give my mind a break. I need to know that I’m all I need to save myself.

I’m teaching myself to understand that not everything lasts forever. Whether that be good or bad, beneficial or not, sometimes, it just doesn’t happen. Timing can make or break certain situations. Now, I’m going to teach myself to simply accept the outcome, even if it breaks my heart.

I’m teaching myself how to not battle against what my mind already knows. That my instincts are not the enemies, that they are my protectors. I’m teaching myself to listen and to feel both the doubt and assurance. I need to do as it says, and not struggle against it, so if it feels wrong, it probably is.

I’m teaching myself what being strong actually means. That being strong isn’t about masking the pain, it’s about accepting, and feeling every emotion. It’s about knowing you’ll make it through the night when you’re drowning yourself in soundless tears at 2AM. It’s about silencing the voice in your mind that’s screaming at you to give up. Being strong is about believing in yourself, and loving yourself, even when you feel you have every reason not to.

I’m teaching myself how to appreciate the lessons I learned from loving the wrong people. To know that even though it hurt like hell to let go, it’s exactly what needed to happen in order to grow. I’m teaching myself how to reflect on each broken piece of my heart, to gather them, and to piece them back together.

I’m teaching myself how to embrace all the changes. To not be so impulsive and bail the second I feel uncomfortable. I’m teaching myself that change can be a wholesome thing, and even if its not, it will eventually make sense. I’m teaching myself how to move on and still find peace in a world where there’s so much hatred.

I’m teaching myself how to completely accept the past and to leave it there. To soak it all in and learn from it. To not hold onto so much anguish and guilt. I’m teaching myself how to not be so hard on myself. I’m finally allowing myself room for imperfections.

I’m teaching myself how to courageously open the door when either fulfillment or hopelessness is knocking on it. I’m teaching myself how to do more than just survive in this world, but to cherish and to appreciate as much as possible. To always explore and search for whatever it is my heart yearns for.

I’m teaching myself to love every single part of how I’m evolving.