50 Things I Would Much Rather Do Than Sit In Class Right Now

1. Watch fifty shades of paint dry.

2. Pass a kidney stone.

3. Have a mammogram.

4. ACL reconstruction surgery without general anesthesia

5. Get shot in the ovary.

6. Receive a steel toed kick to the vagina.

7. Listen to my father complain about socialism for five hours straight.

8. Go to the DMV.

9. Jury duty.

10. Listen to you brag about your kids.

11. Ruin my credit.

12. Become a vegan.

13. Wipe my ass with sandpaper.

14. Punch babies.

15. Join the Hitler Youth.

16. Root canal.

17. Get food poisoning.

18. Prune in a bathtub.

19. Have dinner with Jeffery Dahmer.

20. Watch “2001: A Space Odyssey” again.

21. Read “Great Expectations” in its entirety the night before an exam. Again.

22. Garner an STD.

23. Look at pictures of your pets.

24. Pretend to care about how your day was.

25. Play Russian roulette.

26. Trade in my iPhone for a Samsung.

27. Call my parents.

28. Go out with that one old acquaintance who insists on “getting together sometime”.

29. Write a 10 page report on the magic of bookkeeping.

30. Listen to my mother scold me for having ice-cream on a Tuesday

31. Attend a feminist rally.

32. Volunteer my time to a worthy [enough] cause.

33. Attend graduate school.

34. Give my money to any hobo who asks.

35. Become involved in a drug trade.

36. Become a stripper.

37. Become a mother as soon as possible.

38. Set myself on fire.

39. Read your script.

40. Listen to you brag about your diet.

41. Go to your sister’s graduation.

42. Get into a Twitter war.

43. Exercise.

44. Consider watching “2010: A Space Odyssey”.

45. Play a chicken in Tic-Tac-Toe.

46. Give Harvey Weinstein a high five.

47. Defend O.J. Simpson.

48. Listen to Jazz.

49. Eat vegan cupcakes.

50. Pour salt on a wound.