Valaniece Christina
Funny girl, writer, & clueless.
Articles by
Valaniece Christina
Are You Looking for a Boyfriend Or A Young Clint Eastwood In Cowboy Garb?
“How are you single?” asked Random Dude once at a party. I didn’t answer — I was too busy eyeing down the guy of my dreams in the other room with the girlfriend that wasn’t me.
The Story Of Me And The Week Before My Period
My gynecologist told me that my abnormal pap could be caused by HPV or potentially cancerous cells in my cervix. Actually, maybe she didn’t mention HPV… or cancer… or maybe she did… or maybe I just googled abnormal pap and entered a virtual rabbit hole that ended at cervical cancer. Either way, I was thoroughly alarmed.
Where Would We Be If Things Had Gone Differently?
Since March of 2020, the whole world has undergone one thrilling, continuous, collective existential crisis. The plans we made, the future we pictured, it doesn’t exist anymore. We’re a generation of fucked up individuals, and we’re the ones who have to clean up this mess.
The Class Of 2020 Is The Next Greatest Generation
When I say that the class of 2020 is the future, I mean it. I mean it in the least cliché way possible, because it is us who has seen the best and worst of one another, and it will be us who courageously leads society into the new frontier.
The Perils Of Irrationally Rationalizing The Irrational
When I do look up to the stars, I wonder if you’re looking up with me.
I feel like you are sometimes. I think we always know if we’re thinking of one another.
A Spotify Playlist For The Rom-Com You’ve Always Wanted Your Life To Be
I’m 21 going on 22, and I believe that the best remedy to ail the realization that you’re nowhere near where you thought you’d be is through a carefully crafted playlist.
Read This Right Now If You Truly Believe All Men Are Assholes
If we live in a world in which my brother exists, then not all men can be assholes.
A Formal Apology To That Guy I Ghosted Over A Year Ago
Admittedly, I definitely had this coming. Karma was long due.
Lonely And Desperate Woman Seeking Male Companionship For Holidays (Temporary)
If interested, please read the following carefully.
Just Some Other Things We Can Pumpkin Spice
What else could we pumpkin spice? Why not push the boundaries of this cherished scent/flavor?
My Official Resignation From The Human Race
Although I am grateful for the opportunity to have been, for the time being, a productive member of society, I feel that I have gone as far as I can go in my career and I hope to move on to a place where I have more room to grow and where my skill set can be further utilized. Like my parents’ basement.
6 Great Ways To Effectively Suppress Your Emotions!
Cardio: Run from the truth.