5 Reasons A Zombie Apocalypse Wouldn’t Actually Be That Bad

Picture this: the world is overrun by zombies. You stepped out for a carton of milk and returned to find a family of blood-sucking, brain-eating creatures that only vaguely resemble the relatives you once knew and loved. The first thing you need to do is relax: it’s not the end of the world. I mean, it is, but that doesn’t mean you have to be so negative about it. There are plenty of things to look forward to now that seventy-five percent of the world wants to eat you.

1) You’ll only have one responsibility: survival.

The kids don’t have to be picked up from school because they’re likely feasting on some poor English teacher’s body. You don’t need to stop by the grocery store because it’s already been ransacked by survivalists who swarmed the place at the first sign of disaster. The bills don’t need to be paid because money has become as insignificant as toilet paper. In this new world, the only problem you have to worry about is whether or not the locks on your fortress are secure and if the zombie lurking outside your window has noticed your presence yet.

2) You’ll learn to appreciate the little things.

In one of my favorite Walking Dead episodes, Rick Grimes and his group stumble upon a science research center known as the CDC. (SPOILERS) Though the building is on the verge of exploding, the group is able to enjoy one night at the facility, which boasts a collection of books, game rooms, and, most importantly, showers. As each character stepped into the hot shower, I watched their face light up with joy and realized how momentous “the little things” can feel during the apocalypse.

3) You’ll finally have time to write that novel/screenplay/epic poem you’ve been telling everyone so much about.

All of your friends and coworkers are dead. You don’t have to go to work or do yoga or go to your aunt’s holiday party. Basically, you have absolutely no excuse to not finish whatever grand project you’ve been bragging about for the past however many years. Find an empty notepad and a pencil and write that memoir you’ve always dreamed about. I guarantee when all the zombies die out from lack of brain food (ha) and they reinstate academic awards, you’ll win the Pulitzer with your survival story. Knowing Hollywood, they might also make it into a movie, and since most of the world’s movie stars will likely be dead, you can be the star! See, things are looking up already.

4) You’ll learn to value alone time and time with other humans.

When zombies take over the entire planet, you might have to wander around America alone for awhile, I Am Legend style. (You’ll be lucky if you can find a canine companion to join you.) But this shouldn’t be something to worry about. Not many people in this world really learn how to cherish the value of alone time. With everyone on Earth wiped out or zombie-fied, you won’t really have a choice. You’ll have to sleep alone, hunt alone, dance alone, and poop alone. (Actually, I hope you do that last one alone already.) You’ll learn how to become fully independent, just in time for a bunch of new humans to show up at your doorstep and remind you what it feels like to have a two-sided conversation with something. You can only talk to a volleyball for so long before completely losing your sanity.

5) It might (ironically) give Earth a fighting chance.

We are destroying the only planet in the universe that supports intelligent life. And why? Because we’re lazy. Because we care too much about luxury and personal comfort and money (which, if you think about it, is ridiculous because we are essentially killing each other over green pieces of construction paper with markings on them) to make any real, long-term changes. A zombie apocalypse might wipe out the majority of the population, yes, but it would also restart our species and make us rethink our priorities. Greenhouse gas emissions would slow down and eventually stop, giving the remaining humans hope for a new life. (This PSA was brought to you by the Zombies Against Climate Change Coalition.)

While sure, the zombie apocalypse would force us to fear for our lives every second of every day and kill those that we are closest to, it would also give us the opportunity to pursue our dreams, without the pressure of “society” getting in the way.