As the release for Scream VI approaches (this Friday, March 10, 2023), the Scream stans are coming out of the woodwork to extol the virtues of the now decades-long meta-horror that originally gave a rebirth to the genre back in the ’90s. But with a new Scream–this one set in the Big Apple–there are new horror rules.
Since Randy Meeks isn’t around to tell you what not to do, I’ll leave that up to me: A Day One Scream Fan. Would you survive Ghostface stalking you through the streets of New York? It all comes down to where you land in the horror fandom. How many horror movies have you seen? What kind of horror fan are you? Read on to see if you’d survive Scream VI.
You’ve never seen a horror movie and are too scared to start now.
You definitely get extra points for being so precious and innocent. While that might have made you the “Final Girl” in any other horror movie franchise, it won’t let you live past the credits in Scream VI. You’ll make it far, but you lack the horror know-how to truly thwart a persistent Ghostface. RIP.
You actively hate horror and judge anyone who watches it.
You’re really good at killing one thing: Parties. Have you ever heard of the expression “Don’t yuck someone else’s yum?” That holier-than-thou attitude means you won’t be surviving the Scream universe. In fact, you’ll probably be the first to go. (And the audience will cheer.)
You’ve watched the classics but you wouldn’t consider yourself a horror aficionado.
If pressed (by a spooky and mysterious voice on the phone), you could probably answer some basic horror trivia questions. And if you found yourself in the movie, you know enough about the rules of slasher horror not to do something dumb like say, “I’ll be right back.” Your horror fandom cred is right alongside the forever Final Girl Sidney Prescott, so your success is all but assured.
You stick to your favorite genre and don’t venture past it.
You’re not scared of horror, you just like what you like. Maybe you’re a slasher fan, like Scream, or go for the psychological stuff like Identity. Though you’re not as likely to live as the final girl from the previous category, there’s still a 50-50 chance you’ll walk away unscathed. After all, the Scream universe, unlike other franchises, lets a lot more people live than just the one survivor. I’ll cross my fingers for you!
You’re a well-rounded horror fan with a load of trivia tucked away in that nerdy brain of yours.
Scream VI will need you around to tell the rest of the characters the new rules for survival. You’re the horror oracle, and your presence is a must. Well, at least for one movie. But just like Randy Meeks, you won’t last forever. [Insert cryface emoji here.] If Scream VI is your first movie, you’re good for now. If it’s your second or third, I’m sorry to say your usefulness has expired.
You delight in watching all the most hard-to-watch horror and judge anyone who doesn’t.
You’ll survive riiiight up until the end, when it’s revealed that you’re the killer. Then you’ll be decimated to the delight of everyone watching. Because only a slasher horror villain would scoff at people who call themselves “horror fans” while avoiding the most disturbing and shocking horror. The horror fandom gatekeeping is such a Billy Loomis or Mickey thing to do. Congrats on being Ghostface! I’m sure you’ll be really interesting for about 90 minutes.
Scream VI arrives in theaters Friday, March 10, 2023.
