Trevor Risk

Sometimes you need a companion that’s just going to distract you; not to avoid feelings, but to remind you that there’s more out there than love.

Niggardly.

Chad Kroeger once said something that changed my life. I’m paraphrasing, but it was close to “People say Nickelback sucks. Well, we pack arenas and have sold over forty million records. You don’t like us, but we clearly don’t suck.”

At first it was just obnoxious, but you’re a girl and that’s who this song was made for. I’m drawing the line now. Stop telling me that I don’t “get it”. There isn’t anything to get. Please cease or you will be asked to resign. Outlined below are the following reasons for my ultimatum.

1. She throws a tantrum when she doesn’t get her own way. Her hockey team lost, which makes it time to smash in windows and steal nothing but Louis Vuitton bags and Pringles. Sounds a lot like retail therapy.