I Should Have Told You All The Unspoken Words I Had Buried In My Chest

You wore that signature smile as we sat across each other, settled comfortably in these posh café chairs. The wonderful aroma ignited my senses, I smiled back and clumsily flipped my journal open – papers fall out and you came to help me as your eyes scanned the words I wrote. You hand them back and told me that they were heartfelt, good enough to publish. I gave my thanks, stuffed them back in and sipped on my cup. There was nothing but silence and the meaningful glances we shared over coffee.

I tried to hide behind my laptop screen, averting my gaze on blank document file as I made attempts to work on a new piece. It’s as if you knew it all along so you looked all amused teasing me about showing you what I’ve written so far. My cheeks reddened at the thought of you knowing that I haven’t had much progress so I quickly brushed you off and diverted the conversation into something about you. I listened as you talked about your family and how they still couldn’t stop prying into your social life – I chuckled. The lines near your eyes showed you aged but nonetheless, you maintained that youthful glow from the very first time I met you.. The nostalgia seeping in as I took another swig of caffeine, a slapping reality that you then caught me absent-mindedly getting lost in my thoughts again.

It was rather boring to talk about what I’ve been preoccupied with through the years, such as that directionless phase after graduation to how I managed to make a living to pursuing my passion for writing. Yet, there you were listening like you can just bear with me all day which made me mentally groan because I could probably bore myself to death. Never failing to persist on pondering about my failed love life. I couldn’t help but smile a little even if I wanted to pour it all over you and witness the flabbergasted look on your face. I have grown accustomed to your fondness of my outrageous antics that most people wouldn’t waste a second to pay attention to.

Eventually, we ended up talking about the times when we were younger and it felt like the most obnoxious and dramatic scenarios happened only yesterday as we both guffawed like the idiots we once were. Those brown eyes staring at me, wistful and overjoyed by the switching path of a casual meeting on a sunny afternoon between friends who grew apart after college; merely catching up for old time’s sake. It was now some sort of reunion between souls that lost each other in a labyrinth. Only time could tell when they’ll see each other again, the same way we found the chance to sit down and talk after years of no contact apart from the occasional greetings on social media.

And so, I gazed right back at you with familiarity; not a trace of the ambiguous show we had in the previous hour but the feeling of sitting across someone who once knew me both in delight and misery. Most people were busy chatting about their own whereabouts but you were fixated on our own space without a care of anyone else in the room. I forgot about my new entry, taken by the current of this meaningful interaction. If this were a sea, I would gladly drown even if I did know how to swim.

The hours passed without us knowing, the sky was an ominous black but the stars were all out in the open. I stood up taking in the indescribable boost of energy that reminded me that there was more than just drowning in coffee during busy nights. We went out hugging our coats tighter to our frames as we bid each other farewell with brief hugs and pecks on the cheek. I strolled away not forgetting to turn back to see you one last time. With that, I struggled to make my way home in the darkness.

I held a blank sheet on my hand as I sat on my bed, a blend of somber and cheerful thoughts as I wrote about the things I didn’t say back in that fateful café. You were that cup of coffee that kept me alive and when we parted I lived with a missing part of me. I finished a draft and let out a deep sigh. I wished that I told you all the words I’ve kept to myself all those years, how I felt more like myself when I’m with you.

To me, you were an entire cup and I hope that I’m not just another coffee bean to you.