Thought Catalog

Sloths spend 90% of their lives motionless, which means they are slightly more productive than you.

Think about what is necessary versus what is trendy. Do you need twenty signs saying which side to sit on and bride and groom and it’s unplugged and this way to the dancing? No. People know where to sit. People know who you are. And your officiant can tell people to put their phone away during the ceremony.

I know I overreact. I know I’m too sensitive. I know I make things difficult. I know all of these things make you uncomfortable and inconvenience you but maybe just take a second to think about how much they impact me.

Tunity. You can basically scan any TV (restaurants, bars) and hear the audio through your phone if the TV volume is too low or far away for example. It’s pretty wild!

A lot of us don’t always understand sarcasm. Please don’t act like I’m a massive moron if a sarcastic comment you made flew over my head.

Sometimes there’s no right choice, sometimes the outcome will be bad no matter what you choose to do, but you still have to choose.

I had the mask on her face and I said “nice big breaths” as I pushed propofol. Right before she went out she said, “Thanks, I just had them done.”

Don’t explain the plots of books, movies or dreams in anything longer than three sentences.

Not being able to comfortably kiss someone who is shorter than me.

Khloe Kardashian is OJ Simpson’s daughter.

Download Alarmy app. You have to solve math problems to turn it off.

Don’t act when you’re angry. Don’t make decisions when you’re sad. Don’t make promises when you’re happy.