50. My “best”friend’s wedding. She should never have married her husband. She is only with him because she doesn’t think she can do better and no one else had really expressed interest. It was painful to watch her just lock herself into this darkness/nihilation of self. I could see she even knew that’s what was happening, somewhere deep inside. So many things happened which made it clear what was happening and even why. To bullet the despair:
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She spent the evening before with my husband and I talking about any guy she had ever had an interest in or flirtation with. It was like she was mouring all of her lost chances. No excitement, no mention of her husband to be. We jokingly (but not that jokingly) offered to just take her home with us, 6 hours away
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She had no plans for getting ready the next day. Asked me at 10 PM to do her hair and makeup and arranged for the photographer to come to my hotel to document this. We also drove her to the wedding.
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Neither I nor my husband (her second best friend) were invited to be in her wedding party. It was strange, and so many people the next day would say “Oh, you’re her best friend! She talks about you all the time!” and look confused. Her matron of honor and bridesmaid were her husband’s best man’s family. They did not contribute to helping her get ready. It was like she didn’t want us, the people who care about her, involved in this.
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Her parents had not been in touch for days and came 15 minutes late to the ceremony, never calling her beforehand. She had clearly learned her lack of value at home…
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His vows were mostly jokes for the audience. Loving her was never mentioned.
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Despite her asking him not to, he violently smushed the cake in her face. I helped her clean up. It was deeply up her nostrils, in her hair, in her eyes. Bridemaids tried to take pictures while laughing until I menacingly threw them out of the bathroom. It took me a while to make her vaugely presntable again. I offered again to just take her with me, far less jokingly. This time she was quiet and a little teary but did not respond.
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Best man’s speech was about her husband mostly, with a story about how clumsy she is. I had to walk outside. My husband had to calm me down as I cried and yelled about it all, before people heard me.
In the end, this was her choice. She spent the following ten years- so far- feeding the worst, saddest parts of herself. She’s become completely self-involved (I guess she needs to because no one else in her life is taking care of her). We haven’t actually spoken in about 3 years, though she emails with my husband (again, about herself only). She still calls me her BFF on facebook and refers to my daughter as her niece, though my daughter doesn’t know her at all. Thank God they never had children. I know they haven’t had sex in at least 4 years.
It was a wedding, but it felt like watching someone commit suicide. 
