50 Cringeworthy Sex Stories That Will Make You Die Of Secondhand Embarrassment

1.

I was doing missionary with my ex while in high school. We were in the gym and I was so turned on I pulled out and blasted in my own eye. I turned around because my girlfriend had this terrified look of embarrassment on her face only to stare into the angry face of her gym teacher while the spooge dripped down my eye onto my lip. Yeah that was a great day….

2.

in college, I had the best kind of roommate situation: I shared a bathroom with one other guy, and we actually had separate rooms on either side of the bathroom. With that kind of privacy, I could have a lot of loud sex. And I did.

One night I was sitting on the edge of my bed, with my girlfriend straddling me. It was that great kind of loud, dirty talking sex, and I started to spank her as she rode me. She loved it and kept asking for more, so I spanked harder as we got more and more into it. We got a lot of energy going, and I was smacking her ass pretty damn hard… Until I spanked out of sync with her movement. My hand swung down as her ass moved up, and I ended up missing her entirely and smacking myself in the balls with full force.

3.

So it was my 18th birthday. It was about 12:30am at my house, and my girlfriend of the time and I were laying on the couch watching a movie. My family had gone to bed earlier, and my girlfriend turns her head and says to me “I’m going to give you your birthday present now”. We start going at it on the couch, and everything’s going well. We’re in the spooning position, and there is a blanket covering us up from the waist down. Not too much motion at the time just some good grinding, but I was balls deep in her.

The room suddenly got lighter, but a very natural non-electric light. My eyes look up to see my Mother, Father, and Sister with a birthday cake walking into the room. Singing happy birthday. While I am balls deep in my girlfriend.

TL;DR- My parents sang to me while I was having sex.

4.

Sadly, i was once the foolish friend who walked in. I came into my buddies room after a night of drinking and him and his girlfriend are laying in bed watching a movie and it went like this. I walk in “yo jay, wanna smoke? ohhh shit! You guys are watching V for Vendetta!?!? i fuckin love this movie” i proceed to grab a seat and talk about how much i love that movie (I’m pretty wasted) and my buddy kinda made hints to get the fuck out that i just didnt pick up on. I eventually just left and he told me the next day… I felt like a fools fool

5.

The first time I attempted deepthroating, boyfriend wanted me to shove his cock down my throat as he came. So like any good girlfriend I did just that when he gave the signal.

I still have no fucking clue what happened, but it turns out semen really burns when it’s gushing out your nose.

6.

Long time ago. I was having a relationship with someone I shouldn’t, so we were sneaking around. We were staying at a friend’s place in Colorado, very cool, rustic, fireplaces, make-sure-the doors-are-locked because-there-are-bears kind of place. We were sleeping in separate bedrooms, but in the middle of the night I decide, very unusually for me, to be naughty.

So I pschye myself into thinking I’m this uber sex kitten, put on nothing but a bathrobe and sneak into his room. I slip out of my robe and under the sheets, where he’s asleep, and climb on top of him, intending to wake him up mid erection and embody this sexually-adventurous fantasy woman I’ve created in my head.

Whereupon he wakes up with a start, screams and pushes me off him – and off the bed – because (as he later explains) HE THOUGHT I WAS A BEAR.

This stellar moment was followed by wild confusion on his part (i.e. “what are you doing!?? Why are you here!??” – not exactly my dream scenario) and then me hiding under the bed naked for about 15 minutes in case our friend came looking to see what the yelling and loud thump was about. Altough the sound of my ego deflating may have been louder.

TL;DR: Thought I was a sex kitten, he thought I was a bear.

7.

Its my college graduation party and me my WHOLE family and a bunch of my friends are celebrating it in my backyard. We are havin a good time drinkin a few beers throughout the day and the later it gets, the more crazy it gets. My friends, some family, and I are all half in the bag. I’m near blackout at this point and all i can really remember is being behind my pool with this girl i was friends with, eating her out.. now in my drunken state i coulda sworn that it was dark enough behind there but when i awoke the next day, my father assured me it wasn’t. Not only could he assure that but about 60% of my family could…

TL;DR: I ate out a girl in front of my family.

8.

My boyfriend and I did anal..
i pooped on him.
We’re married now! :D

9.

About 10 years ago, I took my GF to a small bed-and-breakfast in Harper’s Ferry, VA for the weekend. It was really pretty up there, and being so far away from the city, you could see the Milky Way at night. So we’re taking a drive around dusk when my GF spots an old civil-war cemetery; we stop, get out a blanket, a bottle of wine, and my big MagLite flashlight, so we can find our way back to the car.

Needless to say, darkness and drunkenness combine well, and we start boinkin’ away on ol’ Caleb’s burial plot. After I give her the best 20 seconds of her life, we’re just laying there naked, enjoying the stars and the warm Summer night, when a car-load full of teenagers pulls up and starts walking through the cemetery (probably to do what we were doing), straight at us. The GF starts to panic because all our clothes are hanging on some headstone four graves away, and we’re completely starkers. I tell her to sit back and watch the show.

It’s pitch black, so I figure that the kids’ eyes haven’t yet adjusted to the night. They were ten feet away, obliviously coming straight at us. Just as they were five feet away, I jump up totally naked, turn on my five D-Cell MagLite right into their eyes and yell, “DEA, STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU’RE UNDER ARREST.” Well, they scream like a bunch of four-year-olds and bust ass towards their car, flying off in a cloud of dust. That’s when I turned to my GF and treated her another 25 seconds of pure ecstasy.

10.

Late one night when I was in college, I decided to go for a run. I jogged a few miles to a park, and I was feeling pretty good, so I decided to finish by sprinting up a really big steep hill.

I get to the top, now feeling like I’m about to pass out, and as I stagger around panting and gasping, I look up and I see the fleshy shadow of two people tangled up on a blanket a couple feet away, clothes off to the side, looking at me and blinking. I’m so oxygen-deprived that I’m seeing spots, so I can’t help but lurch around them like a pervert, taking these enormous rasping breaths, while we stare awkwardly at each other. After ten or fifteen endless seconds I turn around and try to scurry away.

11.

The one that instantly comes to mind is when my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time after I started using the Nuva Ring. He pulled out after awhile only to find my Nuva Ring caught under his foreskin. For some reason, it reminded me of those hoops that hang out of a bull’s nose and I lost it. He’s standing there with my birth control danging from his peen and I’m just laughing my ass off. The mental image still makes me chuckle.

12.

My boyfriend stuck his fingers in me and felt the Nuva Ring when we first started dating and thought it was an old condom I forgot about.

13.

When I was in the Army I got very drunk and took a really cute girl back to the barracks. Turns out she was taking me to the female barracks which are (get this) layed out opposite of the males. So after a some pretty hot sex, I get up and go to the bathroom, which turns out to be the hallway. I hear the door lock behind me, and the chick is already in the shower, can’t hear me knocking. Had to walk back to my room nekkid past a platoon or so of female medics. They laughed, they cheered. I never ever lived that shit down.

14.

The girlfriend and I had had nothing but bad sex so far in the relationship. Too many hard days at work, too many minor scraps led to some pretty unspectacular sex. It was a doomed relationship, but I wanted to make it work.
So I had her over, made a great dinner and we went to bed. She fell asleep watching a movie she wanted to watch. So I decided to wake here up with my erotic powers.

I kissed and nibbled and removed her clothes when she finally stirred. She raised her arms above her head and I licked from head to toe and she purred like a kitten. She had a great figure and was now quite ‘ready’. As was I. Hard as a rock. I was going to give her the best sex of her life. Songs would be written about this night. My past performances would be forgotten and we would write poems of this.

Anyhow…

I had my arms under her legs and was pointing (literally) toward her when she looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes, glistening skin and fantastic body and said “Oh God, fuck me now”.

That was hot.

Super hot. Super duper exciting hot. Uhhh…Too hot.

I came.

Like a fire hydrant, all over her. Covering her chest, neck, chin, forehead and some of the wall. It was colossal.
However, she was furious and stomped to the shower and left. End of relationship.

15.

Going down on a guy, and he’s getting a bit rough with me. I normally have zero gag reflex and a high pain tolerance, so no problem so far. What I didn’t factor in was the food poisoning I thought I had gotten over the previous day. I vomited into my mouth, tried to swallow it back. Unfortunately the taste made me vomit a second time, just as he pulls back and itgoes all over my chest, his dick and the sheets. Obviously I was mortified, but he wanted to carry right on fucking me. Turns out it turned him on, big style… I still can’t decide whether I am more embarrassed about throwing up or freaked out that it got him going.

16.

I was orally stimulating my boyfriend at the time when I removed my mouth from the situation for a brief moment and he decided to shoot his man juice up my nose. Between the inferno in my nasal passages and the feeling that I was choking, I was pretty sure I was dying. He literally fell off his bed from laughing so hard.

17.

I had a guy stop mid-fingering and ask me if I was storing things in my vagina. When I told him, perplexed, that I didn’t, he got this look of “AHA! I’ve caught you in a lie!” and proceeded to exclaim how he knows there is something up there and that I’ve just confirmed his suspicions that all women store items in their vaginas (I believe he compared us to Kangaroos . . ) He appeared quite embarrassed for his lengthy diatribe after I explained to him that what he probably felt was my Nuva Ring.

18.

he shot all the way to his OWN face/mouth…and I almost fell off the bed from laughter.

19.

In the middle of taking my boyfriend’s virginity, his nose started bleeding right onto my face. I asked him if he was ok, and he said, “yeah, it’s just…my nose always bleeds when I get nervous.” Cutest. Thing. Ever.

20.

Me and the girl I was seeing were real drunk, got back to her mom’s house from a booze cruise real late and wanted to have sex. Since her mom wasn’t the biggest fan of me (we met when she barged into her daughter’s room at 3AM to complain about loud sex noises) we decided to it outside on her front lawn. We did our thing and then immediately passed out, buck naked on her front lawn.
We ended up being woken up by her neighbor mowing his lawn a few hours later.

21.

So, I’m a guy. A female friend of mine came to visit me in the middle of the night with a girl she had recently met (and for added spice worked at a sex-hotline).

They wanted to crash my place for a couple of hours to wait for their ride out of town. They had woken me up so I just sat on my bed chatting with them. My friend came to sit on the bed with me and, before long, there was touching. The other girl was using my computer at the time. Things got pretty heated and after a while the friend saw what was happening and came to join the fun. That’s when it turned bad. The thought that this fantasy of every guy might be coming true hit me like a ton of bricks and … I don’t know. I panicked.

I sat up and said: “I’m making noodles. Who wants noodles?” I jumped off the bed and walked straight to the kitchen, feeling their “What the SHIT!?” looks on my back. Then I just stood in the kitchen looking at nothing and ended up making noodles with added tears. They left soon after.
I still sob a little when I think about this.

22.

This happened when I was in high school, blow jobs were about as far as I had gotten sexually, and I was REALLY awkward about anything sexual. Also, it was in a time before I had a car or a place of my own, so my boyfriend and I would go to the woods to hang out and fool around. Well, we were standing in the woods at the top of a small hill and I tried to kneel. I stumbled, and started somersaulting backwards down the hill. And he started chasing me with his pants around his ankles. By the time I got to the bottom, I was covered in dirt, twigs, leaves. This did not help my sexual awkwardness. Not one bit.

23.

My g/f and I are swinging and we’re at a local club we’ve never gone to. We’re the youngest people there by at least 20 years, we’re new, and we’re in good shape, so we’re the center of attention. My g/f isn’t keen on sleeping with any of them, so we’re having sex together and attract a few people to watch, which turns into quite a few people in a few minutes. I’m really turned on by the audience, so I’m kind of lost in my own little world when one old guy sidles up behind me and rams his finger in my ass – no lube, no warning, no request. I open my mouth to yell at the fucker and he covers it with his free hand and shushes into my ear like I’m 2. In about 30 seconds, we’re in a naked fist fight in the middle of a swingers club.

24.

Was having normal regular sex with my girlfriend of the time. Though I suppose she wasn’t exactly wet, neither was I. So were going at it and all of a sudden I feel a kind of pinch. Thought that was weird. Then liquid, so I asked her, do you feel something odd? She thought I came. I hadn’t yet, so far it had been really uncomfortable. So I pull out. All of a sudden blood is squirting from just under my penis, all over her vag, stomach, bed etc. I jump up and the blood goes on her floor, chair, myself. I freak the fuck out half yelling “WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!” She freaks out, eyes wide just in shock. I run to the bathroom and just stand in the bath clutching tissues to my penis waiting for the blood to stop. Eventually I get flaccid and the blood flow stops. We immediately google what the shit was going on. I’m clutching my dick through my shorts the entire time as we look for an answer to how this spontaneous satanic blood orgy started and if anyone else has had the same. Turns out you can tear the webbing under your penis. the ‘frenulum’ i believe. Who knew. Couldn’t have sex for 2 weeks and then the next month after that I was too paranoid to do much anyway. Hilarious to look back on though.

TL;DR Broke my dick.

25.

So my friends and I had were throwing a party and I’m upstairs in my room having some vigorous missionary sex with my girlfriend. I guess I was a little under the weather at the time and my nose was running. I wipe my hand on my forearm but my forearm was too sweaty to absorb the snot. I figure, fuck it, it’s dark, I’m going to try to finish up without her noticing.

Next thing I know she flinches pretty hard and says “are you okay?” I obviously tell her everything is fine. 10 seconds later she tells me “I…I think you’re bleeding!” At first I thought she said she meant it was that time of the month for her and I was pretty nervous that I’d have some serious laundry to do the next day. I jumped up to look and she quickly got up and turned on the lights to look in the mirror. We’re still completely naked.

Apparently I had been bleeding on her face for a couple minutes because she looked like a goddamn vampire! Her face and upper chest was covered in my blood.

She runs out of the room naked, kicks three girls out of the adjacent bathroom who are terrified. They look right at me in my room while I’m still naked. I must of just had a confused look on my face then they ran away screaming.

26.

I made my girlfriend, at that time, dinner and it eventually lead to the bedroom. I started to play with her at first and she seemed to enjoy it, but after a couple seconds her face turned from pleasure to discomfort and then near horror. I had been cutting habaneros for dinner and totally forgot to wash my hands with soap. Needless to say i did NOT have sex that night.

27.

Girl pooped on me. We got done having sex (her on top). I stagger to the bathroom to clean up the condom and stuff and there is shit all over the place down there. I panic. Like totally freeze. Slowly I com around to a plan of action:

Step 1: Confirm that the shit is not mine.
Step 2: Clean up shit.

I return to the bedroom and, because I don’t know what else to do, I act like everything is fine. She is acting weird, asks, “Is everything OK?” I just play it poker-face style. She goes to the bathroom, comes out, and nothing about it is ever spoken of again.

28.

When I was a drinker, I finished a bottle of wine off before I began having sex with my boyfriend. I had a crazy screaming and moaning session. (I’m sure my neighbors in that apartment thought I was taping a porno) Afterwards, I got up, put my clothes on, and told him not to tell anyone because I had a boyfriend. I’ve never been unfaithful and when he told me what I said the next day, I couldn’t believe it. He was pretty pissed because I cheated on him with himself.

29.

I was dating this girl with really nice breasts and I really wanted to try titty-fucking her. I got her to agree and quickly found myself plowing those succulent melons. I was approaching climax when she suddenly yelled out that she wanted me to shoot my load in her mouth.

Let’s face the facts: I’m no Annie Oakley, Billy the Kid or Wyatt Earp. I’m not a good shot. Honestly, as a man, I’m happy when the lube doesn’t end up on my stomach, rather than in the wad of Kleenex.

But, there she was, mouth open and eager. I aimed as best as I could and promptly shot a big load of love juice UP her nose. Now, at this point most women would freak out and shove me off themselves and run like hell to the bathroom.
Instead, I was horrified to see her pinch off her unplugged nostril and SNNNNNGGGGGTTTT (snorted) down my gob of cum. In one quick motion she both frightened and repulsed me.

30.

The first and only time my dad caught me masturbating, I was looking at 5 second clips of women lactating. One was just loading.

I jerked off at the computer in my mom’s home office and came on a couple pieces of computer paper. My dad called me from across the house before I could clean up and messily stuffed myself inside my shorts. My younger brother comes in while dad is asking me something and asks what is next to their computer. I fake angrily think, “Oh, oops, I spilled milk right before dad called me.” Sprint back to destroy evidence.

Stained the carpet in every bedroom I had growing up with cum. And the areas around each computer in the house had discolored or slightly hardened carpet.

Directed my brother to a porn site when he was in 4th grade. Convinced him it would be cool to add as a link to his website he was making for class. Much trouble. For me.

Shit in a ziploc bag and hid it in the bathroom when I was 10. Checked on it every once in a while to see how it changed. Eventually was worried of being found out and threw it away.

Peed in a water bottle the year before with similar results. Oh wait, my mom found it in my desk.

Parents’ friend stayed with us for the week when I was 11. One night she didn’t come home and I was up working late on a project. Shaved off my pubes with her razor and wore her panties. I think she knew somehow?

At 9, I covered myself head to toe with toilet paper while I had a boner and got in the shower. It was Christmas Eve. My grandma kept thinking I had dandruff or something at church, picking bits of white out of my hair.

31.

Doggie style. She clearly hadn’t wiped well enough earlier that day. I immediately turned off the light next to my bed so I wouldn’t have to look at it but that didn’t kill the smell. Fucking really hard and fast helped take my mind off it. Still a win in my mind. She was 5’6″ and 110lbs and a former model. Even hot chicks can be really gross.

32.

Oh and then there’s st patty’s day, 3rd year of college, got insanely drunk, picked up a girl at a bar, had sex with her on her nasty shared dorm bathroom floor and proceeded to puke into her vagina as I was going down on her.

33.

So cute girl in my philosophy class, apparently tells one of my friends that she’s crushing on me and needs to get laid, so we all go out together to a bar one night and I end up taking her home. Girl is a freak, straight up. First time we fuck, I get the condom on and all that, but after that she just wants to raw dog it – mistake #1. She gets on top and after riding for a little starts trying to stick it in her ass, which is so tight that the weight just bends my dick all outta shape for a while until finally we do a little >(( which turns out to be quite pleasant. Anyway, pass out. Wake up. Decide to give it another go, doggy style this time. After a few minutes of vag soufflee, I go for anal again (mistake #2), and this time I slide right on in. I start going at it, she’s moaning and all that, and then all of a sudden it starts to smell bad. Really bad. I look down and the inside of her butt cheeks are gooey and brown. Gag. I pull out, and she immediately starts farting. “Oops”, she says, and excuses herself to the bathroom. I look down, and my poor shlong seems a little darker than usual. I grab a tissue, do a quick wipe, and turn it around. Feces. I almost vomited.

34.

Thai food apparently got my girlfriend in the mood. Buying her dinner at Sawatdee worked great, and we were experimenting with deep-throating later that night. She was more eager than talented, though and threw up. Not wanting to actually puke all over me, I think she tried to hold it in by pushing harder. That mostly worked, but it killed the mood.

I woke up in the middle of the night with my first and only urinary tract infection. Holy shit is that painful. She brought me to the hospital and watched while the ER doctor stuck an oversized q-tip up my urethra. I married that girl.

The doctor told me (though not in exactly these words): If someone pukes on your dick, pee right away. It flushes out the bad stuff. This advice has served me well as my eager wife continues to learn.

35.

None, because I’m still a 22 year old virgin. Now I made myself sad.

36.

Mine was more funny than embarrassing. I have muscular dystrophy, in a wheelchair, and don’t have the best upper body strength/balance. However, my gf at the time and I figure out that it’s a lot of fun to fuck sitting up… with me sitting somewhat indian style.

We get more and more into it… bouncing harder and harder… when all of a sudden the bouncing unlocks one of my elbows which im using to keep myself upright.

My upper body collapses to one side. I let out a sound that my girlfriend said sounded exactly like R2D2 screaming… as i go flying off the side of the bed.

The only thing keeping the lower half of my body on the bed was my girlfriends vagina. Which after a lot of laughing and discussion, she removed herself from me and the remainder of my body fell of the bed.

37.

I went on a date with a girl after we met at a speed dating event. I ended up back up at her place, not sure how we got there as I was pretty drunk at that stage. We shagged and a few hours later I needed a piss so got out of bed and started to piss across the room before I realised I hadn’t made it to the toilet (first and last time I’ve done that… i think)

I staggered down the hallway naked to the toilet. I went back to her room and started spooning thinking it was time for another round. I was slightly surprised to hear a guy say “uh I think you might have the wrong room buddy”. I had gone into the wrong room and ended up in bed with a guy and his girlfriend. The crazy thing was that he seemed so relaxed about it! Let’s just say I didn’t hang around for breakfast the following day.

38.

we are going at it and the condom breaks. I think she just gave me head afterwards. She leaves on a trip for a month and I go to pick her up from the airport. When we hug, it is electric. We are super eager to have sex but the airport is 2 hours from home (cheaper flight in). We are touching and basically driving dangerously the whole way. Road head for the last 45 minutes of it. My parents are out of town and their house is 15 minutes closer than mine. I pull in, we run out back to the pool and strip down in their secluded back yard.

We begin going at it on the tile next to the pool. I notice this itch hitting the head of my penis. Wtf? I keeps happening when I am hitting inside of her a certain way.I stop. She asks, “What is it?” I just say, “Hold on,” and go in with my fingers ( I have small hands). She can tell I am searching and not trying to pleasure her and I just say again, “Wait a second.” Groping with my fingers, I feel it. The thing, the itchy thing. I get two fingers around it in a scissor grip and pull it out. “It” is the reservoir tip from the last time we had sex, a month ago, covered in discharge over the past month, etc. This didn’t stop us o kill the mood but it was nasty. I just considered it a primate grooming thing.

39.

I’m a pretty pale dude so I decided to do some tanning a few days before my first time. Needless to say I overdid it. I was burnt like you wouldn’t believe. When we got around to having sex, all the sweat and body contact caused pretty much my entire outer layer of skin to peel off during the sex. Jesus it was horrible…

40.

I was ABSOLUTELY pissed and high. I meet this girl, we get friendly, we drink so much now that I barely notice consciousness. She pulls my pants down –> fellatio. She then stands up and takes her own pants off. When she sits on me and I casually look over her shoulder, I realise that we had never left the pub we were at and was staring into the eyes of a very drunken and —to my horror— masturbating Irishman. Pub owner comes along = banned.

41.

I tried sex in the shower one time. I picked the girl up and had her pressed against the shower wall as I was pounding away. I soon lost traction with my feet, dropped her on her ass, and fell backwards out of the shower tearing the shower curtain down in the process. She told me I had a look of shock after it happened. Luckily only my pride was hurt.

42.

One time I was having sex with this girl and I was on top so I had my head to her left and breathed really hard and ended up snorting a booger in her hair. I kind of freaked out but I ended up “stroking” her hair to get it out. It was funny. I don’t think she ever knew.

43.

Worst I can think of happened with my ex.
He was a douche, and pretty awful at sex because he only cared about his needs and not mine.

After pretending to be completely disgusted by the thought of anal sex for about a year he did a 180 and decided he wanted to try it. After that, that was pretty much the only type of sex he wanted.

One day we start making out and stuff and it leads to sex. But, something had not been agreeing with my stomach that day and I hadn’t had a chance to “prepare” either. I told him no, it was not a good idea right now and that he would get a lot more than he bargained for. He kept insisting and I finally flat out told him that I’d had diarrhea all day and still felt sick.

Like the douche he was, though, he either didn’t care, or didn’t understand what would happen. Let’s just say, he put it in, and as much as I tried to stop anything bad from happening, I couldn’t help it and pooped all over him. I was so embarrassed that I was sobbing, and then I was pissed because he didn’t listen. He even had the gall to get mad at me as though I’d done it on purpose. Needless to say, we never had that type of sex again.

Actually now looking back on this it makes me laugh, because he most definitely got what he deserved.

44.

This guy and I were newly dating and one night having sex on the floor. So we are getting it on and all of the sudden blood starts gushing out everywhere. I thought that it was my period until he pulled it out and I quickly realized that his foreskin had kind of…. ripped. (He was uncut) Turns out he had contracted some kind of yeast infection (Apparently this can happen) which caused the skin to become tender and TEAR. The carpet was white and became SATURATED in blood. The worst part was we were 16 and his mom was outside honking the horn while his penis was bleeding everywhere.

45.

Nothing too bad, but my SO’s girlfriend’s mom walked in on us one time having sex.

This is the words spoken.

“OMG I’m Sorry!”

“Mom, GET OUT!!”

“Sorry!”

door slams

“I just wanted to let you know that I made quiche.”

“The quiche can wait damnit!”

46.

Me and my then boyfriend were goin at it and out of nowhere…

Him: E.T. phone home.

Me: uuuhhhh what??

Him: What? Why did you stop?

Me: You just said “E.T. phone home” as you poked my boob.

Him: No I didn’t… i said it in my head but not out loud.

Me: Yeah. You did. I heard it.

Him: oh…

47.

His mother and her boyfriend walked in on us so many times it wasn’t even embarrassing anymore… Until she almost saw me naked, tied to his computer chair with his gamecube controllers.

48.

I stuck my finger up my ex’s butt and upon pulling it out I discovered it was covered with little white worms.

49.

Girl’s leaving my room.
She sees my magic cards.

50.

My SO and I where going at it with me on top leaving his hands to rub, tickle, scratch and whatever.
Well in the heat of of moment he reaches up and give my nipples a squeeze. Usually something I like but at that moment was not expecting it so I squeaked and jerked back, he rocked forward with me and half a second later I jerked forward again and we cracked skulls. Hard. I mean we both had tears in our eyes and I was dizzy and couldn’t stand up for a few minutes. I was almost worried we gave ourselves concussions.

After we recovered enough to be able to see straight, what does he think? This will make a funny Facebook post! My mom saw it and commented on it.