35. Suddenly declare it an open relationship.
“She told me she wanted an open relationship.
I said no.
She spent a week trying to convince me how much fun it’d be.
I still said no.
She said she was sure I’d say yes…because she had already started having an open relationship.
I said that was cheating.
She said no, just a miscommunication. And did I want to change my mind now or break up?
I said break up. What a bitch.”
36. The DENNIS method.
“The DENNIS method would be one of the more messed-up ways to break up with someone
Here what you actually do:
D- demonstrate value
E- engage physically
N- nurture dependence
N- neglect emotionally
I- inspire hope
S- separate entirely.”
37. While still laying on top of you with your dick out.
“Girlfriend was on top of me and beating my meat. When I finished, she said she couldn’t do the relationship shit and broke up with me while still laying on top of me with my dick out. Great times.”
38. At Homecoming after they tell you they love you.
“Broke up with a girl at Homecoming after she told me she loved me.”
39. Call their mom and explain it to her.
“Once, as a teenager, my boyfriend called my mom and explained to her over the phone that he was breaking up with me. He then ignored any calls from our number as I attempted to call him back.”
