23. Ghost them in the middle of a concert.
“I had a girlfriend that I dated for about two years. The relationship dried up and I tried breaking up with her. She refused. Tried again a week later and it wouldn’t work. Any time I would try having a mature conversation she would find a way to stop it from happening.
Eventually I had to ghost. We were at a concert and I said I was going to the bathroom. Walked out of the venue, grabbed a cab, blocked her number and social media and that was that.
I felt guilty about it at first but I’m hoping that in the future she’ll realize that trapping a guy in a relationship isn’t healthy or fair to anyone.”
24. The lunatic version of dovetailing.
“By not breaking up with you…officially. Basically, breaking up with you but never letting you know that you are broken up. You just finally get the hint when they’ve gotten distant and have started noticeably spending a lot of time with someone else. Then when you finally break it down to brass tacks in order to find out where things officially stand—they brush it off like no big deal, like you weren’t ever really a ‘thing’…shocked that you somehow weren’t aware of the circumstances….
….and if you push it they act like you’re the crazy one.
I call it the lunatic version of dovetailing. (Dovetailing being when you just sort of cruise from one relationship into the next without any overlap…this is the psycho turbo slut version of that.)
That’s probably the shittiest. I’d honestly rather be ghosted.”
25. Tell him his junk tastes nasty.
“When you break up with them tell them their junk tastes nasty. They will be self-conscious about it the rest of their life.”
26. List every single failure of theirs and THEN tell them you also had sex with someone else.
“Tell them you’re breaking up with them and then list every single failure of theirs and THEN tell them you also had sex with someone else, because they clearly weren’t entirely sure of whether it was over or not. Make sure they know every detail.”
27. Bone their dad.
“Bone their dad.”
28. Send them roses anonymously and then accuse them of cheating when you ‘find out.’
“Sending them roses anonymously then accusing her of cheating when you ‘find out.’”
