17. ‘Do you want to get married? Yes? Well, I sure don’t.’
“‘Do you want to get married?’
‘I…oh my god, yes!! Yes!!’
’Well, I sure don’t. Come in and get your shit out of my house.’”
18. The ‘slow fade.’
“The ‘slow fade’ is unnecessarily cruel. Just cut the cord. No need to make the other person question their own sanity, too.”
19. Suddenly, and without warning, act like they don’t exist.
“Suddenly, and without warning, act like they don’t exist. Just stop acknowledging them, no matter what they do.”
20. Text message on Christmas after two years together with zero reason for the breakup.
“Text message on Christmas after two years together with zero reason for the breakup. Find out later it’s because a girl was sleeping on his couch and he wanted to fuck her.”
21. Try to get them to initiate the breakup by being unlikable on purpose.
“Try to get them to initiate the breakup by being unlikable on purpose. You aren’t saving their feelings, you’re fucking them up.”
22. Tell him you fucked someone else because he didn’t satisfy you.
“‘Fuck, finally! It’s over! Yes, I fucked him. You didn’t satisfy me. Now get out if my car.’ My ex the other night.”
