Live Blog: How Many Shots Will It Take To Get Through The First GOP Debate

Join us as we Jager Bomb our way through the spin

Updated 9 years ago, August 7, 2015

Welcome to Thought Catalog’s Live Blog of the first GOP debate at 9pm starring Jacob Geers and Daniel Hayes aka James B. Barnes aka Old Man Barnes. We chose this drinking game from Fox Sports because it seemed appropriate. The above pic shows where everyone will be sitting. I think Fox is hoping a fistfight will break out between Bush and Trump and they’ve stuck Christie way out on the left cause they hate him even thought The Donald used to be a Democrat and gave money to Hillary Clinton. These are vengeful people assigning these seats. They do not forget and they do not forgive.

We’ll be discussing the finer points of just what kind of person we need to lead our country moving into the future and figuring out if any of these guys have a snowball’s chance in hell of making it to the ultimate crowning and swearing in ceremony in light of the vast increase of populist rhetoric both on the Right and the Left.

Remember though, it’s all about the Donald right now and the nine other guys on stage are there mostly to just try and shut him up at this point. Should be similar to any holiday dinner with your insanely racist uncle who hasn’t read a book since the 8th grade and talks with food in his mouth. Bring your own booze.

Donald sees what you’re doing right now. He sees and he judges you.

Daniel Hayes [11:10 PM]
Well, this is it. For those of you who haven’t passed out from intoxication, Jacob and I want to thank you for checking with us here and we’re going to sew this live blog up for the evening. Thanks again. Also, I nominate this for best Twitter post of the evening.

https://twitter.com/pattonoswalt/status/629487638538420225

Jacob Geers [11:09 PM]
I agree, it’s hard to even remember the lower tier candidates (who got less questions)

Daniel Hayes [11:09 PM]
Scott Walker was far odder looking than I remember him being. I feel like this debate simply had too many people in it.

Jacob Geers [11:08 PM]
Trump held the course. I don’t think he got anything from the debate, but I don’t think he lost anything either

Daniel Hayes [11:07 PM]
I actually think Trump held up though. I don’t think they hurt him at all.

Jacob Geers [11:07 PM]
I don’t think Jeb did any harm, but I don’t think he did much either

Jacob Geers [11:06 PM]
Last place goes to whoever picked the questions. There were a few exceptions, but most seemed strategically set to incite drama rather than to get vital information for the American people. Kasich was probably the strongest imo, maybe followed by Carson who actually articulated his positions well

Daniel Hayes [11:05 PM
Okay, this was a terrible debate, IMO. What do you think?

Jacob Geers [11:04 PM]
Fox News Host: “ITS OVER!”

Jacob Geers [11:04 PM]
lol sums it up

Daniel Hayes [11:05 PM]
Trump doesn’t know Japanese cars are made in the U.S. to a large degree, interesting.

Jacob Geers [11:04 PM]
Trump: “We don’t win any more.” All this guy wants if a few checkers victories and he’ll go home

Daniel Hayes [11:03 PM]
Scott Walker: “I’m aggressively normal.”

Jacob Geers [11:01 PM]
lol @ Carson’s zinger about brains
Huckabee is throwing shade at Trump like no other

Daniel Hayes [11:01 PM]
He just said the wanted to “persecute religious liberty.”

https://twitter.com/jennyjaffe/status/629489723971608576

Jacob Geers [11:00 PM]
EVERYONES FATHER

Daniel Hayes [11:00 PM]
Ted Cruz. lol. he looks like a bird with his weird voice.
Christie: “I don’t care if anyone loves us as long as they fear us…basically that’s what i got out of it.”

Rand Paul is now correctly asserting that he’s a different kind of Republican.
Rubio is talking about being an immigrant and the American Dream.

Jacob Geers [10:58 PM]
Also, is anyone keeping a clock on how long Donald Trump has stayed quiet? I’m impressed / surprised

Daniel Hayes [10:57 PM]
Closing statements, thank God, this has gone on forever. Waaaaaay too many people. I have learned little about any one of these candidates.

Jacob Geers [10:56 PM]
They didn’t ask Huckabee about God?

Daniel Hayes [10:54 PM]
Jeb did right at the beginning.

Carson: Black people create race wars.

Jacob Geers [10:52 PM]
LOL
I’m surprised nobody has tried to promote their book in this debate

Daniel Hayes [10:52 PM]
he’s in the pocket of the USPS

Jacob Geers [10:52 PM]
ALSO, is Kasich playing a secret game with his campaign for how many times he can mention his mailman father?

Daniel Hayes [10:51 PM]
Oh, i know. *Sermon lasts forever*

Jacob Geers [10:51 PM]
Even this answer from Rubio is unmemorable

Jacob Geers [10:51 PM]
Please please please ask Huckabee this question

Jacob Geers [10:51 PM]
Has anyone gotten an email, text, or telegram from God?

Daniel Hayes [10:51 PM]
God time, Jacob!

Daniel Hayes [10:46 PM]
These idiots have no idea how the military even works or how much of a military we even have and neither does their audience.

As an aside, we’ve reached the part of the evening where I’ve had enough to drink and will now start just calling people “idiots” willy nilly.

Jacob Geers [10:45 PM]
that’s been his historic position anyway, I think. Also Rand Paul is trying to cure our budget problems by cutting foreign aid, which is like 1/10th of 1% of our budget. The United States could cut our military in half, and still have the largest military in the world

Jacob Geers [10:46 PM]
@ Chris Christie hoping to grow our armed forces

Daniel Hayes [10:44 PM]
Didn’t he basically say that gay people shouldn’t serve their country?

Jacob Geers [10:43 PM]
Huckabee: “The purpose of the military is to kill people and break things”

Daniel Hayes [10:42 PM]
Yeah, everything starts with the military which is simply untrue. Walker would put weapons in Ukraine which is already being done. Good job, Walker.

Daniel Hayes [10:42 PM]
Yeah, everything starts with the military which is simply untrue.

Jacob Geers [10:41 PM]
Did I hear that right?

Jacob Geers [10:41 PM]
We have to make the military bigger??

Daniel Hayes [10:41 PM]
Carson is now bitching about military budget cuts

Daniel Hayes [10:41 PM]
that’s insanity

Jacob Geers [10:40 PM]
Rubio has been very unmemorable this debate

Daniel Hayes [10:40 PM]
I think Ted Cruz is a robot or an alien. I do not believe he is human. He has this weird nasally sing song deal going on with his voice like it’s controlled by an electronic modulator. I feel he’s trying to hypnotize me.

Daniel Hayes [10:40 PM]
Oh, he mentioned Reagan, drink!

Daniel Hayes [10:39 PM]
In fairness to Trump, which is a phrase I never thought I’d use, I’ve been astounded that the O administration didn’t demand American hostages back. Like, that’s basic.

Jacob Geers [10:37 PM]
Trump: “I don’t want to call Obama incompetent, because that’s not nice.”

Daniel Hayes [10:36 PM]
Okay, beer break

Jacob Geers [10:34 PM]
Yeah, that was interesting

Jacob Geers [10:34 PM]
I also think it was interesting who the moderators asked the “gay marriage” question to. Not Huckabee haha

Daniel Hayes [10:31 PM]
Yeah, that was a super even handed answer.
Blacklivesmatter time – Walker: The solution to police problems in the black community is training.

I mean, that’s the answer everyone’s given forever and I noticed they asked Walker that instead of…I don’t know…the Black candidate?

Daniel Hayes [10:31 PM]
“I would love my daughter even if she was gay. Just because we don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean we don’t love them unconditionally.”

https://twitter.com/micnews/status/629490481995628544

Daniel Hayes [10:31 PM]
Yeah, that was a super even handed answer.

Daniel Hayes [10:31 PM]
“I would love my daughter even if she was gay. Just because we don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean we don’t love them unconditionally.”

Jacob Geers [10:30 PM]
I am actually surprised Kasich got applause for his positive response on gay marriage

Jacob Geers [10:30 PM]
(somewhat positive response)

Daniel Hayes [10:29 PM]
Dude, I’m already having a little trouble here.

Daniel Hayes [10:30 PM]
Trump just called him a gentleman then said “we don’t have time for tone.”

Daniel Hayes [10:29 PM]
Dude, I’m already having a little trouble here. Jeb: “Florida kicked ass while I was there.”

Jacob Geers [10:29 PM]
Take a drink everytime Jeb talks about Florida

Daniel Hayes [10:28 PM]
love that he blamed bush for obama

Daniel Hayes [10:28 PM]
good stuff, edgy

Daniel Hayes [10:29 PM]
after saying bush was awful at the end

Jacob Geers [10:27 PM]
Oh goodness, even Trump is invoking Ronald Reagan

Jacob Geers [10:19 PM]
He shouldn’t haven given up talk-television

Jacob Geers [10:19 PM]
another time out, “social issues” next and I’m scared

Daniel Hayes [10:18 PM]
They’ll all tear up the deal but Rand Paul isn’t against negotiating. He’ll be the only one, I imagine.

Daniel Hayes [10:17 PM]
I love how they all know exactly what happened during Iran negotiations despite having no idea how it went.

Jacob Geers [10:16 PM]
lololol Fox just showed a clip of Rick Perry in the b-team debate, and I’m really sad he isn’t in this one

Daniel Hayes [10:15 PM]
Repeal Dodd-Frank because THAT’s what wiped out small banks. The global financial collapse never happened according to Rubio.

Jacob Geers [10:12 PM]
He is basically left, “I burnt down the house, now hire me to rebuild it.” Trump: “I am very very proud of making money in Atlantic City”

Daniel Hayes [10:11 PM]
I love this. His reformed con man schtick is great.

Jacob Geers [10:11 PM]
Donald Trump: “I have never gone bankrupt, I have chosen to go bankrupt.”

Daniel Hayes [10:11 PM]
You’re bankrupt, Donald!

Jacob Geers [10:10 PM]
Mike Huckabee blames prostitutes and pimps for freeloading and hurting entitlements?

Jacob Geers [9:55 PM]
for some reason i giggle everytime they say “Quicken loans arena”

Debate summary so far:
– Majority of debate has had something to do with Donald Trump
– Ben Carson thinks god is a pretty fair guy, actually says something worthwhile maybe
– Rand Paul gets really hyper about the 4th amendment
– Chris Christie doesn’t care that much about privacy
– Jeb Bush did something dull in Florida that resulted in something dull

Daniel Hayes [9:58 PM]
On SkyNews they’re talking with normal viewers who all say this debate has been awful and no one has answered anything. I’m telling you, it’s reality television. Kasich is the only one who’s actually said anything and Carson with that tithing thing.

Daniel Hayes [9:55 PM]
What’s up with Rubio? It’s like No Child Left Behind ever happened and Republicans never supported it overwhelmingly.

Daniel Hayes [9:54 PM]
me neither

Jacob Geers [9:54 PM]
I don’t think I retained anything he said

Daniel Hayes [9:54 PM]
How is he this dull?

Jacob Geers [9:54 PM]
coincidence? I think not…

Jacob Geers [10:17 PM]
hahaha

Daniel Hayes [9:54 PM]
God, Jeb is so dull.

Jacob Geers [9:54 PM]
It also might have been one of the few that didn’t involve Donald Trump

Daniel Hayes [9:52 PM]
This is called a flat tax. Yeah, he’s calling for a 10% flat tax. That’s the only solid policy suggestion I’ve heard all night.

Daniel Hayes [9:52 PM]
10%?

Jacob Geers [9:52 PM]
?????

Jacob Geers [9:52 PM]
Carson: “New tax system should be based on tithing”

Daniel Hayes [9:51 PM]
That can’t be an accident.

Daniel Hayes [9:51 PM]
Huckabee just referred to government as an “axis of power.”

Daniel Hayes [9:50 PM]
I love that, like a reformed criminal. But I have to say that he’s got a point about the pay to play campaign giving.

Jacob Geers [9:49 PM]
“The system is broken. I know, I took advantage of it all the time.”

Jacob Geers [9:48 PM]
Trump is bragging about bribing people??

Daniel Hayes [9:48 PM]
I can’t tell what Trump is talking about doing? Get rid of unions? Now he wants a single payer system. Is this the part of the evening where they all walk up with knives and stab him to death?

Jacob Geers [9:48 PM]
oh god, now this debate is about Trump’s conservative credentials

Jacob Geers [9:47 PM]
Fox News: “Let’s talk about healthcare!”
Donald Trump: “I have an awesome thing to say about Iraq”

Daniel Hayes [9:47 PM]
I’m through half this bottle according to just a very few of the rules.

Daniel Hayes [9:46 PM]
“Let me tell you about Carson.” We have a Bob Dole third person talker here.

Jacob Geers [9:45 PM]
LOL Ben Carson: “I didn’t think I was going to get to talk again.” His comments are downhill from there though.

Daniel Hayes [9:44 PM]
“I am not my brother but I am my brother.” He’s really not though. He’s not a doof. Seriously, Jeb is LOSING big in this format. It’s like a carnival.

Jacob Geers [9:43 PM]
Why do I get the feeling that Jeb Bush says he wouldn’t have gone into Iraq just to distance himself from his brother?

Daniel Hayes [9:42 PM]
interestingly, I agree with that whole “if you go fight for ISIS then you lose your citizenship” thing
that he just said. What’s happening to me. I don’t like Ted Cruz.

Daniel Hayes [9:42 PM]
does Cruz think that ISIS is attacking the US?

Daniel Hayes [9:41 PM]
Cruz: We will not defeat radical terrorism until Obama says “radical islamic terrorism.”

Jacob Geers [9:41 PM]
sounds like a gameshow

Daniel Hayes [9:41 PM]
How would you destroy ISIS in 90 days?

Daniel Hayes [9:41 PM]
Yeah, running hot.

Jacob Geers [9:39 PM]
“That was an interesting exchange.” – lol to say the least

Daniel Hayes [9:39 PM]
DAMN, Christie says to use the system how it’s supposed to work….whatever that means.

Christie: “I hugged people after 9/11”

Jacob Geers [9:39 PM]
Rand Paul throws SHADE: “You gave Obama a big hug”

Jacob Geers [9:38 PM]
Rand Paul is screaming “4th amendment” repeatedly
OH WOW

Daniel Hayes [9:38 PM]
Ron Paul:” I want to collect more records from terrorists and less from Americans.”

Jacob Geers [9:38 PM]
Oh my goodness

Daniel Hayes [9:38 PM]
Christie doesn’t oppose bulk collection?

Daniel Hayes [9:37 PM]
Wait, what?

Daniel Hayes [9:36 PM]
“Our leaders don’t want to enforce immigration laws.

Jacob Geers [9:36 PM]
“We fundamentally change America by letting people stay here.”

Daniel Hayes [9:35 PM]
That is so awesome. This is the first time he’s spoken, I think.
Jacob Geers [9:34 PM]
oh wow I forgot that Ted Cruz was even here

Daniel Hayes [9:32 PM]
Rubio: Mexico is no longer the source of immigration! Guatemala, etc. He apparently thinks no one has ever passed any immigration reform before.

Jacob Geers [9:31 PM]
Kasich: “Donald Trump is hitting a nerve, but….some of us have other solutions”

Jacob Geers [9:29 PM]
Donald’s last thing was pretty hilarious

Fox is going to force everyone to talk about Donald Trump all night

Daniel Hayes [9:29 PM]
So they’re taking a break now

Daniel Hayes [9:29 PM]
So far, this seems really disjointed and not at all as funny as I’d hoped it would be.

Jacob Geers [9:26 PM]
Donald Trump’s evidence is that “border control people” say that the Mexican government is sending their “bad ones” over.

Trump just said “stupid” like 20x in a row.

Daniel Hayes [9:25 PM]
LMAO, i love his defense. “If you question me about proof you are dishonest.”

Build a wall with a door.

Jacob Geers [9:25 PM]
Donald Trump: “Nobody was talking about illegal immigration until me.”
^ oh really??

Jacob Geers [9:24 PM]
Will Donald Trump finally share his evidence of Mexico sending immigrants over??

Daniel Hayes [9:24 PM]
pay a fine and do many thi…*dingding*

Daniel Hayes [9:24 PM]
EARNED LEGAL STATUS

Jacob Geers [9:24 PM]
only at the Fox News debate would the moderator ask an accusatory question to a Governor who believes illegal immigrants are good people (i.e. illegal immigration while bad, is an act of love)

Daniel Hayes [9:23 PM]
finally, a discussion of “illegals.” Let’s see how Jeb handles this question. Talking about a book he wrote. Don’t know that plugging a book is the best play here.

Daniel Hayes [9:23 PM]
Wow, the governor of Ohio is the only one with anything to brag about.

Jacob Geers [9:21 PM]
like, he hasn’t been campaigning that much since declaring

Jacob Geers [9:21 PM]
apparently he’s been having some problems finding the campaign trail?

Daniel Hayes [9:20 PM]
And his hair is magnificent.

Daniel Hayes [9:20 PM]
Rand Paul completely hates the GOP. I am convinced of this.

Jacob Geers [9:19 PM]
Mike Huckabee seems super interested in babies until the minute they are born and need food, clothing, and healthcare

Daniel Hayes [9:19 PM]
Huckabee is now for baby personhood. This isn’t really a surprise.

Daniel Hayes [9:17 PM]
Darn it!

Daniel Hayes [9:17 PM]
Chris Christie: We’re darn proud!

Daniel Hayes [9:16 PM]
Chris Christie, your state is screwed, why should anyone care what you say about anything? As if NO OTHER states are doing badly budget wise.

Jacob Geers [9:14 PM]
“I’ll be nice to you, even if I shouldn’t based on how you’ve treated me.” – The Donald is feisty

Daniel Hayes [9:11 PM]
Ted Cruz: I owed 100,000 in student loans just four years ago. #millennialproblems

Daniel Hayes [9:08 PM]
Trump and Paul nearly had a slapfight in the first 30 seconds when Trump wouldn’t promise not to run as a third party candidate

Jacob Geers [9:08 PM]
Marco Rubio: lol this election isn’t a resume competition -> right after I talk about everything i’ve done in politics

Daniel Hayes [9:08 PM]
Ben Carson: Having a brain is important

Daniel Hayes [9:04 PM]
i’d be half drunk by now

Daniel Hayes [9:04 PM]
i feel like the drinking game should have included the words lebron james and cleveland cavaliers

Daniel Hayes [9:04 PM]
moderates seem to love him

Daniel Hayes [9:04 PM]
kasich is kind of an unknown

Jacob Geers [9:02 PM]
GROUNDBREAKING

Jacob Geers [9:02 PM]
LOL

Daniel Hayes [9:01 PM]
oh wow, partnering with facebook

Daniel Hayes [9:01 PM]
“some combination of candidates”

Daniel Hayes [9:01 PM]
yeah, pumped

Jacob Geers [9:01 PM]
They are really overly excited about this maybe?