Ted Pillow

Edible Build-A-Bear: Pretty much exactly what it sounds like.

The average penis size is only 5 inches. Aha! Did you hear that, Karen!?! 5 inches!!

10 Words or Fewer Summary: Creepy French adult convinces Texas family he’s their missing son.

I will admit my love for Fred Armisen knows no bounds. You could always count on him for at least one incredible SNL sketch that would air at like 12:45 and which was so incredibly strange that you felt like there was an 80% chance you were hallucinating it.

Tilda Swinton Eating People’s Baby Pictures

“It was like either: (A) I was a terrible guy who was knowingly doing this rotten thing over and over, or (B) it wasn’t so rotten, really, just normal, and the way to confirm it was normal was to keep doing it, over and over.”

10 Words or Fewer Summary: Chilling documentary explores family’s unimaginable secrets

Gravity’s Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon’s most acclaimed novel, famously begins, “A screaming comes across the sky.”

Most guys tend to lose themselves in the moment, so it can’t hurt to try and plan out what you’re going to say at your climax, rather than just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind (i.e., “9/11 was an inside job!” or just “UGHHHNNGGN!”)

‘You take a baby and’ – here he says something truly awful about what you could do to that baby, worse beyond anything you could imagine – ‘and it dies,’ and here he says something equally wretched…And it’s at moments like these that you realize prison is the only place for him, and hope to hell he never puts his hand on your skin again.

The only rule: no sequels. You already know about new Star Wars, new James Bond, Avengers: Age of Ultron, etc. But here are 15 exciting films that may not have popped up on your radar yet.

“It smelled gawd awful. It tasted like wolf pee and i had to go to the hospital.”