28 Inspirational Quotes That Will Help You Hack Life

All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot!
Dr. Seuss

What’ll we do with ourselves this afternoon? And the day after that, and the next thirty years?
Ke$ha

It is a logic that many drug abusers would understand. It goes like this: I feel bad, and drugs make me feel good, although they are also why I feel bad. But since they make me feel good now, and bad later, I will worry about later when the time comes.
Roger Ebert

I am not proud of the fact that major ingredients of my emotional history are available for purchase today at CVS.
Nicholson Baker

I think it goes without saying that pretty much everything I’ve taught you should be prefaced with a ‘No homo.’
Jesus Christ

Now the standard cure for one who is sunk is to consider those in actual destitution or physical suffering – this is an all-weather beatitude for gloom in general and fairly salutary day-time advice for everyone. But at three o’clock in the morning, a forgotten package has the same tragic importance as a death sentence, and the cure doesn’t work – and in a real dark night of the soul it is always three o’clock in the morning, day after day.
Jackie Chan

I discovered that if one looks a little closer at this beautiful world, there are always red ants underneath.
David Lynch

Every house is haunted.
Mister Rogers

The integrity of my sleep has been forever compromised, sir.
Unidentified Bureaucrat

Observe it in its glory: the Blooming Onion is pondering its great, portentous future, the heavy load of unavoidable happiness it will carry upward, to you, unknown ones, who are forever searching and never finding. You shall find what you seek, you shall be happy – it is your duty to be happy, and you do not have much longer to wait.
Outback Steakhouse menu

There can be no light without darkness.
A guy who’s never taken a massive dose of Ecstasy

I downshifted as I pulled into the driveway, the motor screaming out, stuck in second gear. The scene ends badly, as you might imagine, in a cavalcade of anger and fear.
John Darnielle

There is no more unhappy being under the sun than a fetishist who pines for a boot and has to content himself with an entire woman.
Karl Kraus

Softball is like baseball, but with a softer ball.
The Guy With No Friends to no one in particular

He is unloved, he detests life, he is hung over, he wants a drink, he is startled by sudden movements and loud noises, he has no patience for fools, everyone is a fool, and middle-class morality is a conspiracy against the man who wants to find surcease in alcoholic bliss.
Chris Kirkpatrick on Joey Fatone

It is now safe to turn off your grandpa.
The Life Support machine

A nap is the mildest form of suicide.
Garfield

His was a great sin who first invented consciousness. Let us lose it for a few hours.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Pornography has no more sexual appeal than a Price Waterhouse annual report. It’s no longer about eroticism; it’s about humiliation. Unable to find sufficiently degraded specimens in the demimonde of smut, the sick-thrill seeker moves on to harder stuff: daytime TV. He turns on the pinhead topical panels, the tabloid news, the gauntlet of denigrating game shows. He sees slavering prostration of self as more than a national pastime; it is the new American godhead. We have reached a better future through sound bites of transcendent humiliation.
Ne-Yo

And that’s my one fear: that everything has happened; nothing exciting or new or interesting is ever going to happen again…the future is just going to be a vast, conforming suburb of the soul.
J.G. Ballard

Unbeing dead isn’t being alive.
E.E. Cummings

Downstairs the people are fighting while I look for God in a reference book.
Philip K. Dick

Life is but a Comic Sans farce mass e-mailed to an unending, self-perpetuating chain of dupes and masochists.
Gary

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is!
A monkey endlessly hitting random keys on a typewriter

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

I am in chains. Don’t touch my chains.
Franz Kafka

During these days and nights I have lived ten or perhaps twenty years. And it seems to me that my room is not rectangular, but round and endless – around and around, and all is the same, and no doors anywhere.
Yevgeny Zamyatin

I apologize profusely for my insane behavior.
Spider-Man