11 ‘Good’ Conversations You Can Have

1. The Greeting:

“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“How are you?”
“Good. You?”
“Good.”
“That’s good.”

*Repetition is the cornerstone of the greeting. Avoid eye-contact if possible, while revealing no real emotions and facts about your current state of being. You’re both inevitably good and it’s good to hear that the other is good*

2. The Weather:

“I think it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.”
“That’s not good.”
“But, sunshine the rest of the week.”
“Oh, good.”

*Things are getting really intellectual around here—weather is either good or not good*

3. The Family:

“How’s the family?”
“They’re good.”
“Good to hear.”

*Again, repetition and brevity are key to sustaining a good hard-hitting conversation*

4. The Kids:

“Congratulations! I heard your son got into medical school. How’s he feel about that?”
“Good.”
“Good!”

*If the kids aren’t on drugs, they’re good—no more, no less*

5. The Career:

“How’s work going?”
“Good.”
“Good, good. What about your co-workers? Get along with them?”
“Yeah, pretty good.”

*If you’re not homeless or the President, your career is good*

6. The Day:

“How was your day?”
“Good. Yours?”
“Good.”
“Good.”

*A variant of “The Greeting,” but still meant to be brief. Often asked by a spouse; say enough to avoid divorce and get out of there. You’re good unless fired that day*

7. The Mutual Friends:

“Have you talked to (so-and-so) lately?”
“Yeah! She’s good.”
“Good to know.”

*All mutual friends are in an unbreakable state of good unless recently divorced or dead*

8. The Food:

“Oh my God! This spread is amazing. I couldn’t imagine a more delightful evening. The steak tartare melted in my mouth and was complimented perfectly by the dry merlot; pure majesty in culinary creativity. What’d you think?”
“It’s really good.”

*Save the poetry and compliments for others. It was good*

9. The Movies:

“Did you see ‘Dallas Buyer’s Club’ yet? It has won like every award—probably the best film of this decade.”
“Yeah, it was good.”

*You cried, but in all, the film was good*

10. The Love-life:

“So, you’ve been dating (so-and-so) for a while. How are things going?”
“I have to say—good.”
“Oh, what’s (his or her) personality like?”
“Good.”
“And (his or her) sense of humor?”
“Good.”
“Taste in music.”
“That, is good.”
“So, what are the chances of you marrying this person?”
“Good.”

*You may not be able to see yourself with anyone else for the rest of your life, and that’s because every part of your significant other’s personality is good*

11. The Vacation:

“How was Paris?”
“Good.”

*You went on vacation because you were tired of conversing with this person. Don’t ruin the memories by rehashing it with this jabber-jaw. It was good. “C’est la vie!”*