‘If She’s Faking It, I’ll Know’ And 6 Other Outrageous Myths About Female Orgasms Men Need To Stop Believing

1. “If she’s faking it, I’ll know.”

Oh, no, babe—not true! You’d be surprised by how believably cinematic some women can get when trying to dupe you into thinking they’ve finished, so don’t get too cocky (ha) if you think every orgasm you’ve ever prompted was the real deal. Seriously, dude…in all likelihood, at least one of ya girls has faked it at least once—in fact, studies show that over half of heterosexual women have Meryl Streep’d orgasms in the past. To be perfectly clear, though, I don’t mean to encourage “faking it”—if your girl tends to pretend, she’s doing it because (A) she’s too preoccupied with keeping you blissfully ignorant to focus on what feels good for her; (B) she’s too scared you’ll grow tired of her in the long term if she doesn’t enjoy sex with you as much as you’d like to think; (C) she’s too insecure to make you feel anything less than sexually deft, you sex GOD, you; (D) she’s too uncomfortable to tell you what she likes, so she’d just rather wrap it up than clue you in; (E) all of the above. In other words, we fake it because society tells us our orgasm is disposable while yours, of course, is essential. Not that chill.

2. “Vaginal orgasms beat clitoral orgasms.”

Smh, FALSE! First of all, many experts argue that it’s fully impossible to bring a woman to climax without getting her clit involved, and those who disagree report that, at most, only about 30% of women can achieve orgasm via intercourse alone. A century ago, OG asshole Sigmund Freud proposed that clitoral orgasms are “infantile,” and that real, matured women climax exclusively by way of vaginal intercourse (cuz, you know, real women make babies, so their orgasms should always be centered on the reproductive tract…duh). Surely, this fantastically fucked up, misogynistic theory—which has followed us, directly informing sex culture, for the past 100 years or so—not only prompted the ‘faking it’ phenomenon…it also inspired the idea that vaginal orgasms are more intense and “real” than clitoral orgasms. Not the case. Every orgasm is different, but there’s no empirical evidence to support the notion that the vagina produces a stronger sexual response than the clitoris.

3. “Maybe if she stopped using a vibrator, she’d *get there* easier.”

Groan. I know vibrators can be verrrrrry intimidating to boys with big pee-pees like urs, but vibrators don’t desensitize the clitoris—they just don’t. In fact, vibrators (slash vibrating dildos), along with kegel exercises can be extremely helpful tools for toning a woman’s muscles, such that she achieves orgasms more regularly (and more fully) during sex. Whaddayaknow.

4. “…Or, better yet, maybe if I stopped using a condom…”

STOP. SHUT UP. DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. Condoms are now thinner and less detectable than ever before, and if you take the necessary steps to make them entirely unproblematic—surprise!—they won’t be a problem. Use lube and make putting on a condom sexy, and I guarantee you, it won’t be an issue for either of you. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2013 found that sexual arousal and general pleasure/orgasm weren’t (statistically) significantly different in those who used condoms versus those who didn’t. In other words, a little latex ain’t no thang—except when it prevents STIs and unwanted pregnancies, lol! If using a condom is such a problem for you, it’s because you want to make it a problem—so don’t.

5. “If I physically stimulate all the right spots, she’ll definitely climax.”

Nein. Most women need to feel that they’re in a safe, comfortable, loving environment to physically enjoy sex to the fullest—that’s not at all to say that all women like exclusively soft, vanilla sex—they don’t. But far more often than not, the sexual dynamic and, of course, the amount of foreplay that precedes sex need to be *right* in order for a woman to climax. So, boys, be sure not only to warm your woman up for the requisite 20 to 30 minutes it takes her to get satisfyingly wet ‘n’ ready—also do your best to foster an orgasm-friendly environment. When she does come, btw, you should know that her brain releases a bunch of oxytocin, a powerful chemical also known as the “cuddle hormone,” since it stimulates feelings of intimacy, such that she’s often tryna cuddle post-sex. You release oxytocin, too; however, your brain simultaneously gets flooded with higher levels of testosterone, which often counters the effects of the oxytocin. So, next time you want to PTFO immediately after sex, consider that ya girl has a strong chemical reaction going down in her noggin that makes her want to stay close to you—ain’t no shame in the cuddle game, and if you indulge it, she’ll probably feel way more satisfied and therefore more comfortable/ready for pleasure in the future. Win-win.

6. “…And if she can’t climax, she’s probably a frigid bitch.”

Lol. Anorgasmia, the inability to reach orgasm, is fully a thing and may occur in up to 10% of women. A woman with anorgasmia is not necessarily asexual or frigid, at all. She may have never had an orgasm, or she may only be able to climax only during select sexual encounters. And, to be clear, she can definitely still enjoy sex despite her inability to “finish”—orgasm really, really isn’t always the goal (although a woman’s climax should, just like yours, be a priority). Even besides women with anorgasmia, though, guys tend to think that women who don’t have an orgasm every time they have sex are stiff and have low libidos. Not true. There are endless hurdles that might stand between your girl and her orgasm—if you’ve been reading, I bet you can guess a few: misinformation (AKA, she’s been told that her orgasm will always be super difficult to achieve and therefore is not intent on making it happen), discomfort, insecurity…the list goes on. Talk to her, help her feel at ease, and be sure to give her what she likes—she does the same for you, I’m sure.

7. “When it comes to her orgasm, all sexual positions are created equal.”

Nope. Remember what I said about getting the clit involved whenever you’re going at it? Well, unsurprisingly, some positions make that easier and more stimulating than others—you can, for example, start simple by putting her on top, or if you’re feelin’ right, you can dabble in the reverse cowgirl arts. And, obviously, the variations don’t end there—just do your research, experiment, and give a shit!