6 Reasons Sex With An Ex Is Never Really ‘Casual’

1. Because this ain’t a movie.

You’re drunk and ravenous and he looks delicious. You’re pulsing with that cinematic “if it feels this wrong, it must be right” feeling; this is a bad idea, and that turns you on. What’s the big deal, after all? You’re just going to tear each other’s clothes off, fuck, and walk out the door, right? No feelings, no reopened doors, no regrets, right? Wrong. This ain’t a movie, babe. Sobriety and reality will ensue simultaneously, and you’ll be hit with the sore, unglamorous reminder that you broke up with him for a reason…and now that reason is stinking up your bedsheets.

2. Because the before-and-after is empty.

If you’re really bent on making this a strictly “casual” encounter, you’ll realize you’re critically limited in terms of pre-and-post-coital intimacy. No close cuddling, no warm compliments, no soft hair-stroking or “I love you.” It feels too weird—draining all the intimacy from being intimate with Him in the name of casual sex. Impossibly weird.

3. Because if you were friends…surprise! Now you’re not.

If you’d somehow managed to retain a friendship before this moment of indifferent passion, the sex will, obviously, shut that shit down immediately. You can’t really justify “platonically” texting/hanging out with him now that you guys have done the nasty again. I’m not saying you want to be friends with your ex…I’m actually a huge proponent of cutting exes out of your life, like, Kill Bill style. All I’m saying is, if, for some reason, you’re interested in remaining friends, casual sex can’t really factor into that (illogical) equation.

4. Because your friends know better.

Let’s keep it reeeeal here: half the fun of engaging in a hit it ‘n’ quit it sexcapade (lol) is the thrill of regaling your friends with all the titillating little details. But, alas, they’ve been there, heard that. They’re not interested in knowing all the intimacies of your “oh-so-casual” sex with the guy whose murder they plotted when he broke your heart. Which is shitty.

5. Because, if he hurt you, you’ll feel like shit afterwards.

Remember how satisfied you felt when you stormed out, swearing you’d never sleep with him again while “Irreplaceable” blasted in your head? And remember how that self-satisfaction soared when he showed up at your door with cheap flowers and an erect penis, begging for forgiveness, and you got to say “Lol byyyyye, pathetico. I’m not a prize, and even if I were, you def wouldn’t win me with those carnations, idiot”? Ooopsie…not that it should—because you should do what(whom)ever the fuck you want and you should never regret shit—but your self-respect takes a bit of a hit when you realize you just effectively said, “Nvm nvm, I’m down if you are.” It just won’t feel great.

6. Because the emotional hangover is going to be brutal.

Maybe, on the other hand, you had an amicable breakup. Maybe the two of you just ran out of love at the same time and you have no regrets or particularly cruel memories of the end. Still, though, the sinking feeling of just having fucked somebody you use to love will weigh on you—“casual” cheapens what you once had, you know? And when you realize you just deluded yourself into thinking that you could separate his body from your old emotional investment, you’ll be sad. Again, do what(whom)ever the fuck you want…just don’t try so hard to dupe yourself into thinking you can “casually” sleep with someone with whom sex used to be anything but.