Tao Lin

Almost Transparent Blue (1976) was written by Ry? Murakami (b. 1952) while he was a student at Musashino Art University, where he was enrolled in the sculpture program. It was his first novel and was awarded the Akutagawa Prize (Japan’s “most sought after” literary prize; previous winners include Kobo Abe and Kenzaburo Oe) and sold ~1.2 million copies (~1% of Japan’s population at-the-time) in six months.

[His] agent and manager are planning to “accidentally” sign him on, in a binding agreement, as the voice of the as-yet unknown “villain” character in Toy Story 5.

After maybe two minutes of sex with me on top and the blankets over us, I think, we heard someone weakly knocking on the door (or making some kind of noise outside the door) and sort of panicked a little and stopped moving.

The photos were mailed to their mothers with instructions to provide “brief, critical analysis” and to refrain, if possible, from “personal attacks.” Responses arrived surprisingly promptly, were translated with Google Translate, and are presented here unedited.

Being considerate can be a powerful tool in your daily and long-term struggle to not become an angry, jealous, out-of-control, earnestly depressed person who feels frustrated and cheated all the time.

Seems like I mostly experience this album as “really funny.” Not sure what effect this album would have on me if I were severely depressed. Seems like an album I might feel extreme, toneless aversion toward in times of loneliness or depression.

At one point I had an erection and it seemed like we were both trying to undo my belt and unbutton my jeans. I weakly imagined what would happen if my jeans were removed and heard her say “we just met” from what seemed like an enormous distance and felt that I was asleep, or dreaming, or something, while “knowing” I was moving and therefore not asleep.

Seems like this album was secretly created by a team of penises in 2074 and that they somehow accidentally created a time machine within the album, causing the album to exist in 2009, when penises hadn’t yet developed the ability to communicate and therefore couldn’t claim these songs as their own.

Durians love to perform unseemlily protracted blowjobs, refusing to try any method that doesn’t last at least 89 hours, claiming that their spiked exteriors can only be pierced by the nonstop and specific—but easily learnable, reliably safe, and ultimately enjoyable—thrust of an erect penis for 89 hours.

Is WikiLeaks Wikipedia…

I removed my Moleskine and asked what exactly we needed to do in order to proceed with the $25,000 Kickstarter plan.

Imagine M.I.A. idly making insanely loud whale noises while jogging through a crowded park on a beautifully sunny day in April or October. Imagine Gucci Mane making attention-seekingly loud whale noises as he brusquely “storms” out of an Office Depot after a 15-minute argument with an employee about the extra costs of reformatting his external hard drive.

There are 70 drafts in my Blogger account re 2009/my blog. Some were posted then unposted. Some have never been seen by other people…until now…in that here are 10 of them (unedited and in blockquotes), arranged in an increasingly bleak manner, with commentary from me.

One of the largest, softest, most complex areas of the human body is the ass. That asses are both sexual and fecal seems vaguely confusing. One considers the dual nature of asses and thinks “Freud, did Freud write about this, seems like he didn’t, seems like maybe he didn’t.” Asses are actually pretty rare. They seem to manifest mostly on mammals with 4 limbs of a certain length. Studies have shown that the ass evolved from the tail.

You do not want memories of being alone in your room on a Friday night buttering a sizzlingly hot ass steak (unless you’re also going to either Tweet about it in an objective manner or, for purposes of conveying “quiet desperation” in an endearingly self-aware manner, include it in an autobiographical novel or short-story).

I honestly don’t remember if I “went down” on her briefly or if I tried and she stopped me. I don’t know if she orgasmed. I remember focusing on doing things with my fingers in a manner I felt would be conducive to her orgasming.

The next eleven days the Factory-Farmed Hamster is force-fed pellets containing the meat/bones/tumors/fur of “fellow, deceased” Factory-Farmed Hamsters grinded—along with their “waste,” which often is scientifically  “not discernable” from their “bodies”—into a kind of paste that is “marinated” 4-8 hours in an antibiotic-hormone mixture and then dehydrated in gigantic microwaves.

In a 2012 study of over ten thousand Unablehams 94% identified the sentence “I went to Wal-Mart, bought a black shirt and two bananas, paid with my HSBC debit card” as directly conveying one of the following: “America’s consumerist economy is destructive and amoral” (54%), “generation…