NYU 2029 Commencement Speech

To get into the 11-month year (which does not repeat itself, so can only be lived once, meaning that once you enter the 11-month year you will be dead after 11 months at the most and probably a few minutes at the least; whereas if you don’t enter the 11-month year, but remain in the 12-month year, you may continue to live for up to something like over a thousand months, though there is also still the chance you could be dead in minutes) you need to be in June. I say ‘in’ June because for you, a human college graduate as of today, to understand these instructions to a degree that you can successfully execute them, you will need to create a 2-dimensional representation of the 12 months in the form of a mandala drawn on 8” x 8” white paper with colored pencil and .2mm colored pens. The mandala should be worked on for at least 200 hours before it’s considered finished. You can continue working on it after that, but 200 hours is sufficient for its purpose in your goal of getting into the 11-month year. The mandala (via illusions to increase dimensionality) should be able to represent to you at least all the concrete dimensions in your normal life. You should look at the mandala and be able to imagine yourself walking in its world, into one of the structures in its world, behind one of the structures in its world so that you are out of view—anything you can imagine yourself doing in concrete reality.

You need to be in June. Looking at your mandala, during the 200+ hours you’ve worked on it, you would have passively allowed yourself to enjoyably, half-unconsciously, in a manner as if by accident, settled into a period of hours of pleasurably creative thinking—you need to have ingested decarboxylated Cannabis and also be smoking Cannabis periodically for at least 90% of the 200+ hours you’re working on the mandala, by the way, I should have said earlier and will now take this opportunity to stress as something critical to success in getting into the 11 month-year—on the topic of representing the 12 months in your mandala. Wikipedia says a mandala is “a spiritual and ritual symbol in Hinduism and Buddhism, representing the Universe” and that the “basic form of most mandalas is a square with four gates containing a circle with a center point.” For our purposes a mandala is a representation of a world. As you work on your mandala, you will probably think about your life and at some point you may become aware of yourself thinking of a line you’re drawing as representing your own path in life, and you may view a circle as a romantic interest and yourself as a triangle or something and as you draw lines between or connecting these forms, representing people in your life, you may think about wanting them to have a certain kind of world to live in, with a lot of space but also some private areas. As you draw these things that represent the world you’re imagining, you may alternate between thinking of this world you’re creating as your own world, representing people and events from your own life, in your universe, or as some other world, that you’re sometimes creating and sometimes drawing, consciously or unconsciously, from your experience with other worlds, for example movies you’ve seen and books you’ve read. At some point probably you’ll be aware of yourself, on some level, counting the circles or dots or lines or whatever you’re drawing and maybe grouping them in 3s. At some point you’ll consciously encounter the number 12. At some point you’ll think about the months, for example December or January or April or May. You would probably even if you weren’t told you would. But it’s not guaranteed. Some people work on mandalas hundreds of hours and never even think directly about time. Some people get meticulous about creating a huge quantity of one thing in one dimension, such as the dot, that they don’t start thinking about months until, on average, after 450 hours of work, studies have shown. So it’s good that you’re being told that you will think about the 12 months at some point while working on your mandala. It’s said that in the ancient tradition, no one was informed about this 12 month thing—everyone just naturally came to think about the 12 months, and if you didn’t you were banished from society slowly over a period of 6 months—so it’s good now that everyone’s told about this. (Now the failure has been outsourced elsewhere, and someone else is suffering the ill effects, but that’s for another speech. The previous sentence and this sentence are in a parenthetical.)

So you will know where June is on your mandala. Cut out the month of June in your mandala and mail it to

11th Month Services Inc.
20309198 34-08-4810 139
Janway Lawn, Queqland

and PayPal 11monthservices@gmail.com a sliding scale rate of $5 to [no upper limit], including a 2 sentence description of your mandala and a 1 sentence description of June in your mandala, and a list of 3 possible locations in June where you suspect exists the entrance to the 11-month year. Within a week you will get an email that has copied and pasted one of the 3 locations you listed into itself and emailed it back to you, indicating that, based on our analysis and group discussions and other methods, we would choose the option that we copied and pasted and sent back to you if we were in a situation in which we were being paid to do exactly that.

Now I will describe the effects of getting into the 11-month year. Once you enter the 11-month year, you cannot return to the 12-month year. But, this is true—the previous sentence is true—only inside the 12-month year. Therefore, from inside the 11-month year, it’s probably possible to return to the 12-month year. But we currently aren’t inside the 11-month year, as I say these words to you, on the day you are graduating from New York University, the graduating class of 2029, good job. We are inside the 12-month year.

Now I will continue describing the effects of getting into the 11-month year. If you’re wondering if I wrote that awkward transition into this speech on purpose: no, I’m improvising this. That’s the nature of this, though, of this thing—this idea you probably have never heard of before I started talking, this idea of there being an 11-month year that one can get into. The only way the existence of the 11-month year can be detected is through the unconscious. I’m half conscious now. I’ve trained in consciousness so that I can be half conscious and still achieve the requirement for getting into the 11-month year that one be unconscious throughout its entire achievement, or am I? I don’t know. I won’t know until someone gets into the 11-month year, and more people do, and finally I do, and I need to stay only half-conscious this entire time. Being half-conscious increases your unconscious by 100%. So you’re more conscious in terms of your unconscious.

I’ll try to continue describing the effects of getting into the 11-month year. The effects of getting into it are actually the effects of it, of the 11-month year itself. The characteristics of the 11-month year are, on average, 10% as imaginable as the characteristics of the 12-month year. This is because the 11-month year overlaps with the imagination by something like .01%, whereas one of you human college students overlaps with the imagination by, on average, something like .1%. If this doesn’t make sense, it really doesn’t matter. The characteristics of the 11-month year are difficult to imagine. So try to imagine that. You get some idea of it, right? I’m sorry about this graduation speech. I thought it would be funny, but I see no one’s laughing. I hear no one’s laughing. Yes, some people have laughed, but I feel like 90% of the audience is staring at me in a negative manner, which I know some people just look like they’re staring negatively to me when actually they’re engrossed or interested but I feel like I’m factoring that in and I still estimate that 90% of the audience feels aversion to what I’m doing right now and I feel like I don’t trust the other 10%.

I don’t know how to end this. I want to say ‘good job’ but I don’t feel I’ve set up an environment in which ‘good job’ can be sent and received in a manner that feels satisfying to both parties, so I don’t know. I just remembered I already said ‘good job’ earlier. Feeling insane right now. Thank you for listening to my commencement speech.