You Don’t Like Me “ “He hates answering text messages during the daylight hours.” “He’s just grumpy around people with faces and hair so he doesn’t want to meet any of my friends.”
I Love You Like Paula Deen Loves Butter “ I love you the way bros love ironically singing “Call Me Maybe” and secretly enjoying it more than they would ever let on. I love you the way bar owners love how much patrons do shots to encourage each other during karaoke night.
So, You Want To Be Gay? “ Parents don’t want their kids to lead a hard life. And being gay is still considered difficult no matter how many rappers come out of the closet and movie stars thank their partners in acceptance speeches. It’s always going to be the less desirable road to take until everyone agrees that it’s not.
19 Pieces Of Advice You’ll Need To Make It Through Your 20s “ The only good reason to go into debt is for traveling. Not Isabel Marant boots or expensive groceries.
Are You The Woman Of My Dreams? “ I’m a sucker for women with a really dark sense of humor. It’s so charming! Plus, I know she’ll be fun to have around at funerals.
Love In The Time Of Plagiarism “ I felt neutral toward him; “just another bro,” I thought, imagining bros growing on trees in an opulent bro orchard, sprayed with cologne like pesticides.
The Good Girl In The Family “ There’s a constant fear of falling from grace since so much of my self-image is wrapped up in being “good.”
A Letter To Your Crush “ Herein lies the dilemma of having a crush. Do you actually want to act on it? Do you want to give them your phone number and resign yourself to feeling miserable until they finally text you? Sometimes it’s fun to just have the crush. The PG fantasy.