Sylvie Quinn

Aries: You’re well-practiced at bouncing back.

These erotic stories featuring your favorite celebrities are impossibly juicy. Read on!

Join me for a collective EEK!

Your outward appearance for your pay-me-more-money-please meeting with your boss matters. A lot. Mostly because the vibe you exhibit on the outside can very well impact how you feel on the inside.

Real cuckholds, real experiences. Read on!

We ate our body weight in guacamole.

Sagittarius: This July is going to be somewhere between “meh” and “eh” for you.

The women who squirt all seem to agree that it feels fucking awesome. If you’re curious about these volcanic vaginas, you’ve come to the right place.

Pisces: Embrace a minimalist attitude and clean out your closet, your desk, or the fridge.

All’s fair in love and war.

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went just OK.

Scorpio — There’s something better percolating in your life if you would only open your eyes to see that.

Xertz — (v) to gulp down quickly and greedily

You want to choose something that will fit our baby boy or baby girl perfectly. Here are some heavenly celestial names for your baby:

Pisces: You’re overwhelmed by all the fond memories.

What do you call an award-winning monkey? A chimpion!

How does a 20-something pig hit on someone? They invite them over to Netflix and swill.

I had the best ice pun to tell you. Problem is, it slipped my mind.